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Vaserman_Druz_
2018-12-06- Сколько друзей у меня было, сколько родственников... В гости друг к другу ходили, общались. Всё, никого нет, всех забрала она, проклятая.
- Водка? allanecdots.ru
- Дача!
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При проверке документов на Измайловском рынке, паспорта оказались только у щенков английского кокер-спаниеля.
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Друг - это тот, кто помогает скинуть труп в реку, не задавая вопросов!
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Дочка гардеробщицы, давая свой телефонный номерок парням, забирает у них куртки.
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- А как правильно слово "нимб" пишется?
- Ты резюме заполняешь?.. allanecdots.ru
| - Ты резюме заполняешь?.." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/82873/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> | Комментировать |
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Иду на работу. Впереди меня идет папа с сыном-оболтусом лет 14-15. Папа увещевает сына:
- Сколько раз я тебе говорил! Не расчесывай прыщи на лице! Говорил? allanecdots.ru
- Говорил...
- А ты чешешь?(
- Чешу...
- Ты знаешь я тебя даже ругать уже не буду, ты сам себя наказываешь! У всех твоих друзей будут девушки, а у тебя - велосипед!
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Помню по молодости, в Советском Союзе eщe, с геологами застряли в тундре. Газуха сломалась. Вертушку неделю ждали, гнус одолевал тaк, чтo чyть с ума не посходили. Пoтoм вертушка прилетела, зацепили тросами Газуху, летим. С трудом летим. Пилот говорит:
- тяжело oчeнь, нaдo cecть, гусеницы снять, вeca меньше будет. allanecdots.ru
Сели, сняли гусянки, cнoвa взлетели, и oпять тяжело вертушке. Ну лaднo, тaк с напрягом и долетели.Отцепили вездеход, пилoт гoвopит:
– Ну чтo, полетели тeпepь за гусеницами.
– А нахрена? Мы же иx в кузов положили.
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- А ты правда домохозяйка?
- Да. allanecdots.ru
- Круто. Скажи что-нибудь на домохозяйском.
- Рот закрой и жри чё дали!
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Посетитель зоопарка смотрителю:
- Я только что видел, как в одной из клеток обезьяны играют в карты! allanecdots.ru
Смотритель:
- И что? Они же на орехи...
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Совет девушкам:
Не стоит доверять мужчине, утверждающему, что он не женат и видит в вас свою будущую спутницу жизни, если вы у него в телефоне записаны под именем "Водоканал". allanecdots.ru
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- А сколько вам лет?
- Ну, я вам скажу так: таблетки от давления уже прописали, но я их запиваю коньяком. allanecdots.ru
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