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Gergt
2015-04-17Когда мне говорят, что с моим ростом мне скорее всего неудобно жить и хвастаются своими 180-190 против моих 160, я произношу одну фразу, после которой все замолкают:
Я полностью помещаюсь в ванной и не упираюсь коленями в маршрутке. allanecdots.ru
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- Муж заявился домой в четыре часа утра.
Жена говорит раздраженно: - у меня нет слов. allanecdots.ru
- Слава Богу, - отвечает муж.
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- Вероятно, ночью будет буря, - говорит муж.
- Если ты вернешься вовремя - не будет, - отвечает жена. allanecdots.ru
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Муж и жена приобрели небольшой ресторанчик под вывеской "Ресторан святого Георга и дракона". Спустя год они развелись.
- Мой бедный друг, - стал сочувствовать ему приятель, - что же ты теперь будешь делать? allanecdots.ru
- Для начала уберу с вывески слово "дракон".
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- Мой бедный друг, - стал сочувствовать ему приятель, - что же ты теперь будешь делать? - Для начала уберу с вывески слово "дракон"." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/42617/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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- Мадам! Вы никогда не были замужем?
- НЕТ!.. allanecdots.ru
- Ой! А я, таки, думаю, откуда такое счастливое, не тронутое бытом лицо!
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– Знаешь, кто я?
– Кто? allanecdots.ru
– Пожиратель тьмы!
– Тебе лишь бы пожрать.
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Пост ГАИ. Стоит одинокий гаишник, смотрит - в его сторону бабка с коровой идет. Бабка подходит и начинает забивать колышек в двух шагах от гаишника. Тот обалдевая:
- Мать, ты что, с ума сошла? Здесь не пастбище! allanecdots.ru
- Ой, сынок, не знаю, в прошлом годе ты тут такой худой стоял...
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- Девочки, я беременна!
- Имя уже придумала? allanecdots.ru
- Имя?… мне бы с отчеством определиться!
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Если когда-то в жизни вам придется выбирать между финансовой независимостью и ceкcуальной привлекательностью, выбирайте финансовую независимость... С годами она станет вашей ceкcуальной привлекательностью.
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Вовочка вбегает в класс после звонка и, не здороваясь, садится на своё место.
Учительница: allanecdots.ru
- Ну-ка выйди и зайди заново.
Вовочка:
- Ну, ничего себе. Прям Windows какой-то!
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