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Gergt
2015-01-20Человек тащится по тундре, замерз, устал, из сил выбился.
Упал и вопит: allanecdots.ru
- Лю-ди-и!..
Чукча в чуме сидит и усмехается:
- Как в Москве, так чукча, а как в тундре, так "люди"!
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Телефонный звонок в службу компьютерной техподдержки:
- Я два антивируса установила... allanecdots.ru
- Вы бы еще Сталина с Гитлером в одной комнате заперли!..
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Если девушка, примеряя вещь из своего гардероба, понимает, что вещь стала ей мала, то она, конечно, расстроится. Но это правило не относится к лифчикам.
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Весь день доказывала мужу, что ему не изменяла,- а он уперся рогами и не верит...
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- Мужики, такси вызывали?
- Да. allanecdots.ru
- Понимаете, у меня машина сломалась. Давайте, я вас пешком домой провожу.
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Перед вратами рая стоят водитель автобуса и священник.
К ним выходит Святой Петр: allanecdots.ru
- Ты, водитель, проходи, а ты, батюшка, подожди немного.
Священник возмущается:
- Как так? Я всю жизнь церкви посвятил!
- Ну и что? У тебя в церкви все спали, а у него в автобусе - все молились!
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Однажды бабушка с внуком перепутали таблетки. Внук заснул на фейс- контроле... Бабушка связала восьмиметровый носок...
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– Привет, Света, я самый счастливый человек! Можно, я на тебя залезу?
– Залезай. allanecdots.ru
– Ну вот, теперь я самый счастливый человек на Свете!
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Я сильный, я ответственный, я волевой, я уверенный, я дерзкий, я еще пять минут полежу и встану, честно.
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Один из плюсов лета заключается в том, что можно ударить человека под предлогом того, что на нем сидит комар.
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- Кум, скажи, сколько молока вы надаиваете в день от своей коровы?
- Десять литров. allanecdots.ru
- А сколько продаете?
- Тоже десять. Больше не могу: надо же и детям пару литров оставить!
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