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юрийРазные 2015-01-23 |
Тёща говорит зятю:
- Сёма, настроение твоей жены должно быть таким, шобы ей в ванной хотелось петь. allanecdots.ru
- Я дико извиняюсь, мама, каких ещё таких Петь?
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юрийРазные 2015-01-23 |
- Спишь?
- Нет. allanecdots.ru
- А чё глаза закрыл?
- Зрение экономлю...
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
Ужас, не могу начать пить лекарство потому, что в инструкции написано - принимать через час после еды… А я таких больших промежутков… в еде не делаю!...
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
В Лондоне, в своем доме, в гостиной сидит англичанин, курит трубку и читает утреннюю Тimеs. Вдруг обваливается стена и в гостиную, скрипя тормозами, въезжает Бентли, за рулем которого сидит другой англичанин.
Первый спокойно переводит на него взгляд, вынимает трубку и спрашивает: allanecdots.ru
- Могу я спросить, куда сэр так торопится?
- В Манчестер, сэр!
- В таком случае, сэр, Вам было бы ближе через кухню...
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
Совет Астролога на 2015 год: чтобы Овца была к Вам благосклонна, называйте ее Баранесса.
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
Два следователя обсуждают ограбление:
- Я понимаю, почему грабитель взял из сейфа деньги и драгоценности. Но зачем он увёз жену потерпевшего? allanecdots.ru
- Думаю, чтобы тот его не искал.
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
«Йоп твою мать!» - воскликнули одновременно папа из зала и дочь со сцены, когда встретились в стрип-клубе.
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GergtРазные 2015-01-22 |
Если вы ждете гостей и вдруг заметили на своем костюме пятно, не огорчайтесь. Это поправимо. Например, пятна от растительного масла легко выводятся бензином. Пятна от бензина легко снимаются раствором щелочи. Пятна от щелочи исчезают от уксусной эссенции. Следы от уксусной эссенции надо потереть подсолнечным маслом. Ну а как выводить пятна от подсолнечного масла вы уже знаете.
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СергейРазные 2015-01-22 |
Я пирожки с черникой люблю, у меня поэтому зрение 100%.
- А я с грибами - у меня зрение 150%. allanecdots.ru
- Это как?
- Вижу то, чего нет.
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GergtРазные 2015-01-21 |
Сижу сегодня дома, книжку читаю… Жена приходит, удивленно на меня смотрит и спрашивает: «А что интернет не работает?»
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