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2014-08-08- Дорогая, ты спишь?
- Нет. allanecdots.ru
- Это хорошо, тогда повернись ко мне.
- Не хочу, ты лук ел.
- А ты горох! Повернись я сказал!!!!
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Привезли чукчам северный завоз: консервы, газеты, телевизор, радио. Чукча рассказывает другому чукче: - Телевизор включаю - там Путин. Радио включаю - там Путин. Газету открываю - и там Путин. Консервы, однако, боюсь открывать...
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Жена входит в ванную и видит: на весах стоит муж и втягивает живот.
- Думаешь, это поможет? allanecdots.ru
- Конечно! Как я иначе увижу цифры??!
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Нашел мужик в море бутылку. Ну, думает, там джин сидит, надо потереть! Трет час, трет два, трет три часа... Уже вконец устав, слышит скучающий голос из бутылки: - Вынь пробку, дурак!
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Следователь: - Вы узнаете этот нож?
- Конечно! allanecdots.ru
- Ага! Все-таки узнаете?
- Дык как его не узнать... Вы мне его уже второй месяц показываете!
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Ночью в полицейском участке звонит телефон: - Алло, алло, спасите, помогите, в женский монастырь забрался грабитель!
- Сейчас выезжаем. А кто это говорит? allanecdots.ru
- Как кто - грабитель!
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Любишь меня?..
- Конечно!.. allanecdots.ru
- А умрешь за меня?..
- ? А любить тебя кто будет!?
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Гуманитарии, не злитесь на шутки технарей про вас. Они такие же люди. Только умнее.
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Парень катается с девушкой на лодке. Он ей говорит: - Конечно, мне не очень нравятся легкодоступные девушки, но учти, что лодку я нанял всего на час.
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- Моня, я хочу сказать несколько слов за вашу маму.
- Ну, и что ты Жора хочешь мне про нее рассказать? allanecdots.ru
- Моня твою мать, ты когда мне долг отдашь?
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