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Вадим Левков
2015-01-18Как-бы вас не уверяли продавцы или каким-либо большим шрифтом написано: "Сделано в Германии" или России, везде написано это выражение: "Made in China".
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Офицер спрашивает солдата, почему тот пошел в армию. Новобранец решил ответить честно:
- Во-первых, я хочу защищать свою Родину. allanecdots.ru
- Правильно.
- Во-вторых, служба делает меня сильнее.
- Верно!
- В-третьих, моего согласия никто и не спрашивал.
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- Чем отличается офицер царской армии от офицера российской армии?
- Офицер царской армии всегда был до синевы выбрит и слегка пьян. У офицера российской армии все наоборот. allanecdots.ru
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Отец Вовочки на родительском собрании:
- Ну что ж поделаешь, Вовочке в одно ухо влетело, в другое вылетело... allanecdots.ru
Учитель физики со своего места:
- Ошибаетесь, звук в вакууме не распространяется...
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- Назовите ваши сильные стороны.
- Инициативность! allanecdots.ru
- Спасибо, мы свяжемся с вами.
- Я сам с вами свяжусь.
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- Официант, всем шампанского за мой счет!
- Но вы здесь один. allanecdots.ru
- Я знаю.
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Журналист спрашивает у туземца из Кении:
- Какие опасные хищники у вас есть? allanecdots.ru
- У нас есть лев, леопард, гиена, крокодил, множество ядовитых змей.
- А кого вы больше всего боитесь?
- Русских туристов!!
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- Я самый счастливый человек на свете!!!!!
- Влюбился? allanecdots.ru
- Нет!
- А что?
- Выспался!!!
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- Девушка, мне творожок, сметанку и йогурт.
- Дочурке берёте? allanecdots.ru
- Ох ты, блин, про дочь- то я и забыла! Две пачки "Винстона", пожалуйста!
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- Мне кажется, что в прошлой жизни я был плохим человеком.
- Да ты и в этой еще тот мудак. allanecdots.ru
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