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Просто смешные анекдоты
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Gergt
2015-01-10В метро.
- Вы забыли пакет на сидении, мадам! allanecdots.ru
- О! Не беспокойтесь. Это завтрак моего мужа. Он работает в бюро находок.
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Объяснительная:
"Мы, студенты 4-го курса, прогуляли лекцию по религии. Причина: бес попутал." allanecdots.ru
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- Как поживает твой тесть?
- Не спрашивай... allanecdots.ru
- Что, заболел?
- Хуже.
- Умер?
- Хуже. Он сменил пол и теперь у меня две тёщи.
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Из тюрьмы бежит заключенный.
Его, естественно, ловят и возвращают. allanecdots.ru
Приводят к начальнику:
- Ну и зачем ты, Сидоров, бежать решил?
- Жениться хотел...
- Нда-а-а. Странно ты понимаешь свободу, Сидоров...
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Жена говорит вошедшему домой пьяному мужу:
- Свинья! allanecdots.ru
Муж заплетающимся языком:
- Не буду спорить... И ты 17 лет меня откармливаешь!
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Парикмахерская: Девушка стрижет парня и спрашивает:
- У Вас теща есть? allanecdots.ru
- Нет... нету у меня тещи... пауза...
Снова спрашивает:
- У Вас теща есть?
- Я же сказал, тьфу тьфу, нету, пауза...
Снова спрашивает:
- У Вас теща есть?
- Ну нету, что Вы пристали?
- А мне так стричь легче... Я, как спрошу про тещу у Вас волосы дыбом встают!
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Два охотника наткнулись на свежие следы медведя.
- Иди посмотри, куда он пошел. allanecdots.ru
- А ты?
- А я пойду посмотрю, откуда он пришел.
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Главная отличительная черта праздников:
Я понятия не имею, какой сейчас день недели. allanecdots.ru
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- Пааап, а мне сегодня сказали, что я невоспитанная!
- Надо было на хер послать… allanecdots.ru
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Встречаются два друга. Один говорит:
- Хочешь, я подарю тебе на день рождения портмоне? Или зажим для денег? allanecdots.ru
Второй:
- Зажим для денег у меня уже есть, это моя жена Катя.
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- Милая, чем это от тебя так замечательно пахнет?
- Духами, которые ты мне вчера подарил! allanecdots.ru
- Я тебе не дарил духи!
- Дарил, дарил! Посмотри в кошельке!
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