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Gergt
2014-10-15Командир части, полковник, говорит лейтенанту - подчиненному:
- Если все пойдет по плану, то сверли дырку для ордена. allanecdots.ru
- А если все пойдет не по плану?
- Ну, для этого случая дырка у тебя уже есть...
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Двое заключенных смотрят в зарешеченное окно. Один не выдерживает и говорит, тяжело вздохнув: - Бедный Вася! Выйти из тюрьмы в такую погоду.
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Жених с невестой обсуждают будущую совместную жизнь.
- Обещай мне, милый, что ты откажешься от покера. allanecdots.ru
- Да, любимая.
- И от курения.
- Да, моя киска.
- И от пива.
- Это все?
- А от чего еще ты думаешь отказаться?
- От женитьбы.
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У нашей футбольной сборной есть два шанса выиграть Чемпионат Мира по футболу: реальный и фантастический.
...Реальный - прилетят инопланетяне и помогут нам, а фантастический - мы выиграем его сами! allanecdots.ru
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Удар по воротам! Мяч попадает в девятку! А вот и разгневанный водитель "девятки"...
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Женщина идет с работы, несет в сумке баллончик с золотой краской - обещала дочке помочь оформить стенгазету к Новому году. И тут подходит к ней цыганка и говорит: - А позолоти ручку!..
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Говорят, что девушке чтобы привлечь внимание на улице достаточно надеть красное платье, можно подумать, что парня в красном платье никто не заметит.
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Жена наложила грязевую косметическую маску и вышла из ванной. Кот забился под диван, собака не лает уже два дня…
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- Послушайте, Холмс, там кто-то кричит, просит о помощи. Может, выйдем и выясним, в чем дело?
- Зачем, Ватсон? Узнаем все из утренних газет. allanecdots.ru
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- Это секретный правительственный объект!
- Я к маме на работу... allanecdots.ru
- Проходи.
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В коммерческом ларьке красуется объявление:
"Не давайте обмануть себя в другом месте. Покупайте у нас!" allanecdots.ru
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