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2012-03-16Маленькие хитрости: чтобы склеить разбитую на две части чашку без клея, плотно сожмите оба куска и не отпускайте никогда...
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Дело вовсе не в тебе, дело во мне! Ты же не виновата в том, что мне не нравятся скучные толстые девки...
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- Папа, купи мне шоколадку!
- Ты уже взрослая для сладостей. allanecdots.ru
- Правда? Значит, мне можно пить, курить и приводить домой мальчиков?
- Тебе какую, горькую или молочную?
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Муж с женой смотрят фильм ужасов. На экране появляется ведьма.
Жена: allanecdots.ru
- Ой, мама!
Муж:
- Узнала, да?))
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78-летняя Клавдия Петровна знала,что на неё все равно не подумают,поэтому спокойно ссала в лифте!
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- Дорогой, когда мы поженимся, я буду делить с тобой все твои тревоги и заботы.
- Но, милая, у меня нет никаких тревог и забот! allanecdots.ru
- Я же говорю - когда мы поженимся!
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Приходит девушка устраиваться на работу в стрип-клуб. Ей велят раздеться и пройтись по сцене. Она это делает. Просят потанцевать у шеста - танцует. Наконец ей говорят:
- Спасибо, вы нам не подходите. allanecdots.ru
- Почему?
- Хромает пластика, есть проблемы с фигурой...
- Да, но я вообще-то пришла устраиваться бухгалтером!
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- Ржевский, а почему все время отдыхаете именно в Сочи?
- Ну, как же! У меня здесь столько друзей! Таня Иванова, Лена Петрова, Галочка Сидорова. allanecdots.ru
- Хорошо вам, поручик!
- Плохо, врагов тоже хватает. Вася Иванов, Петя Петров, Гриша Сидоров...
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Мужик, приехавший на север, звонит приятелю:
- Привет, представляешь, мы с собой кота взяли, а тут нет ни одной кошки... allanecdots.ru
- Это его проблемы. Но хоть мышей ловит, жрёт?
- Ловит конечно, но не жрёт, убивает по другому.
- Как?
- Так я ж говорил, кошек здесь нет.
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-Чего делаешь?
-Сижу сыр косичкой ем, а ты че делаешь? allanecdots.ru
-Сижу чай ртом пью.
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Отключили горячую воду. хочу помыться. ставлю огромную кастрюлю с водой греться жду когда закипит. солю, кидаю лавровый лист, перчик. полезла в холодильник за пельменями, и тут меня осенило.
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