Просто смешные анекдоты

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GergtРазные 2015-03-24

Сержант наставляет рядового женского батальона:
- И запомните же наконец, рядовой Иванова! Часовой должен кричать: "Стой! кто идет?!", а не: "Не подходи, а то закричу!" allanecdots.ru

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

Сторож в зоопарке плачет. Его спрашивают:
- Ты чего так расстроился? allanecdots.ru
- Слон умер...
- Это был твой любимец?
- Нет, просто мне теперь для него могилу копать...

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

Молодая жена говорит мужу:
- Мне как-то трудно сразу отказаться от своих девичьих привычек... allanecdots.ru
- И не надо! Продолжай брать деньги у своего папы.

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

Дама заходит в очень дорогой бутик. Продавец:
- Здравствуйте, разрешите представить вам новую коллекцию, это эксклюзив! А, извините, деньги у вас есть?.. allanecdots.ru
- Нет...
- Ну и что ты припёрлась, шла бы на рынок!
- У меня карточка.
- И снова здравствуйте!

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

Занимаются сексом парень с девушкой. Заходит мама парня:
- Что вы делаете?! allanecdots.ru
- Сексом занимаемся!
- Что?!
- Но, мам, я все уроки сделал!

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

Сидит мужик, на поплавок смотрит. Час сидит, другой... На третий час в ванную заходит жена:
- Ладно, черт с тобой! Иди на рыбалку, а то мне постирать надо! allanecdots.ru

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

На военных сборах майор дает курсантам задачку:
- Самолет за сутки налетал сто часов... allanecdots.ru
Потом, немного подумав:
- Нет, сто много... Пятьдесят!

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

- Если дома неизвестно откуда появились цветы, значит, у жены был день рождения.

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

- И не стыдно вам на улице просить милостыню?
- Конечно, было бы удобнее, если бы мне приносили ее домой. Но у меня нет дома. allanecdots.ru

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

- Как ты думаешь, чем питался Ной, находясь на ковчеге?
- Наверное, рыбачил. allanecdots.ru
- Ну, с двумя-то червяками много не нарыбачишь...

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-03-24

- Пьяный пожарник упал с 40-метровой пожарной лестницы, но остался цел и невредим! Его спасло то, что он успел подняться только на вторую ступеньку...

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