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GergtРазные 2015-04-28

В ресторане посетитель делает заказ официанту:
- Стакан водки, бокал вина, рюмку коньяка, фужер шампанского, кружку пива и чай. Чай, пожалуйста, не крепкий, у меня сердце слабое. allanecdots.ru

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GergtРазные 2015-04-28

- У вас в резюме в графе "Недостатки" написано "Уверен в себе", а в графе "Положительные качества" - "Невнимательность". Вы ничего не перепутали?
- Нет. allanecdots.ru

- Нет." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/43818/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3">

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GergtРазные 2015-04-28

- А в этой камере сидит наша гордость,- сообщает начальник тюрьмы комиссии. - Когда он впервые попал к нам, он был неграмотным. Мы научили его писать и читать. Теперь сидит за подделку документов.

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

Разговаривают два бизнесмена. Один спрашивает:
- Как идут дела? allanecdots.ru
Второй отвечает:
- Плохо. Открыл новый супермаркет, так народ так и прет!
- Чего же тут плохого?
- Так он прет все, что плохо лежит!..

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

Один человек постоянно появляется в сберкассе и снимает деньги со своей книжки.
- Какой вы аккуратный и хозяйственный, - говорит ему кассирша, - наверное, что-нибудь все время прикупаете! allanecdots.ru
- Прикупаю, - вздыхает посетитель, - тузы на мизерах...

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

Потерпевший кораблекрушение мужик сидит на необитаемом острове и, обращаясь к пальме, говорит:
- Клянусь, вот если бы не ты, Клава - то уже давно сошел бы с ума! allanecdots.ru

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

Созваниваются два приятеля:
- Знаешь, я никак не могу с тобой встретиться, вечно ты занят! allanecdots.ru
- А ты пробовал договариваться о встрече с моей секретаршей?
- Да, пробовал. Мы с ней неплохо провели время, но мне все же нужно встретиться с тобой!

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

- На курорте всегда так: "М-да, а в прошлом году было лучше..."

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

- Госкомстат установил, что три четверти жителей Российской Федерации составляют 75% населения страны.

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

Объявление: Семья цыган с 18 детьми снимет комнату в коммунальной квартире. Тишину и порядок гарантируем.

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Vaserman_Druz`Разные 2015-04-28

- Он чуть что - так сразу в кусты.
- Так он что, ненадежный товарищ? allanecdots.ru
- Нет. Товарищ он надежный, ненадежный его желудок...

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