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Просто смешные анекдоты
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Gergt
2015-05-03Смс от книжных героев:
- Мяч утонул. Сижу, тупо реву. Таня. allanecdots.ru
- Скока пацанов брать с собой? Черномор
- Кто со мной на каток? Саша Невский
- Срочно уточни расписание поездов на Москву. Анна
- Я его выбросил. Фродо.
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На дискотеке парень подходит к девушке и спрашивает: - Девушка, Вы танцуете?
- Нет! - отвечает девушка. allanecdots.ru
Парень: - О, отлично! Тогда не будем терять время!
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- Пишите: Я, находясь в трезвом уме и здравой памяти, хочу подарить свою квартиру...
- Простите, а это точно тотальный диктант? allanecdots.ru
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Сидят слон и муравей скучают.
Слон говорит: allanecdots.ru
- Может в домино сыграем?
Муравей:
- Да ну, опять эти плиты ворочать.
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- Ну, ты наконец готова? Мы же опоздаем!
- Какой же ты зануда! Я уже битый час тебе твержу, что буду готова через две минуты! allanecdots.ru
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Любознательный пассажир спрашивает у стюардессы:
- Милая, а что означает ТУ-154-2Б? allanecdots.ru
- Hу, ТУ - это значит, что самолет выпущен конструктором Туполевым, 150- количество мест в салоне, а 4 - это сколько членов экипажа.
- А 2Б?
- А это мы с Маpинкой.
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- Только никаких баб на корабле, они к несчастью!
- Капитан, прекратите навязывать нам свою ориентацию! allanecdots.ru
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Судья зачитывает приговор по делу о многоженстве:
- Но в связи с тем, что деяния подсудимого попадают под амнистию, объявленную вчера Гос.Думой, суд постановил: уголовное дело прекратить, подсудимого освободить из-под стражи в зале суда. allanecdots.ru
- Подсудимый, вам приговор понятен?
- Подсудимый, с тоской глядя в зал,где сидят семь потерпевших со злобными физиономиями:
- Ваша честь, я могу отказаться от амнистии?
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В магазине при продаже алкоголя:
- 18 лет есть? allanecdots.ru
- Да.
- Что такое пейджер?
- Устройство для приема текстовых сообщений.
- Хорошо
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Если вам кто-то звонит, говорите, что у вас садится батарейка.
Это помогает узнать главное сразу. allanecdots.ru
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Объяснительная в ГИБДД:
- Находился под действием психотропных существ. allanecdots.ru
- Правильно писать "веществ".
- Нет, я имею в виду жену и тёщу.
| - Нет, я имею в виду жену и тёщу." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/44486/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> | Комментировать |
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