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Vaserman_Druz`
2015-06-04Официант - посетителю:
- Спешу сообщить вам радостную весть. Я сейчас был на кухне, и мне сказали, что вы были правы, - вам дали не суп, а помои! allanecdots.ru
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- Девушка, а что вы делаете сегодня вечером?
- Фильм буду смотреть. allanecdots.ru
- Страшный?
- Конечно, ты себя в зеркале хоть видел?
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- Сынок, вот и настал день узнать всю правду.
- Я приемный? allanecdots.ru
- Нет. Ты дочь.
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Современные священники похожи на рэперов. Ездят на дорогих авто, берут псевдонимы, ходят в толстых цепях и читают очень непонятные тексты.
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- Грехи других судить, вы так усердно рвeтесь, начните со своих и до чужих не доберeтесь...
- Да замолчите уже подсудимый! allanecdots.ru
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- А мне Костя ноутбук подарил. Он такой маленький, розовенький!
- Теперь ты с ним спишь? allanecdots.ru
- А ты откуда знаешь?
- Вообще-то, я про ноутбук...
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- Что с твоим попугаем? Я слышал, он подох? - спрашивает друг молодожена.
- Да, жена не давала ему и слова сказать. allanecdots.ru
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- Изя, ты не знаешь, зачем нужен медовый месяц?
- Ну это шоб ты понял, шо влип. allanecdots.ru
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- Ты вообще помнишь, какой сегодня день?
- Конечно! Сегодня ровно сколько-то с тех пор, когда мы что-то там. allanecdots.ru
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- Пап, я не хочу спать.
- Заткнись, это лучшее, что будет в твоей жизни! allanecdots.ru
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Дочка хочет постирать свою белую блузку.
Говорю ей: allanecdots.ru
- Посмотри, что еще в баке светлого, и положи тоже в машинку.
- А если вещь черно-белая, ее можно класть?
- Больше черного или белого?
Пауза минут на 5, потом кричит из ванной:
- На этой тельняшке 91 белая полоска и 90 черных, так что со светлым годится!
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