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2015-06-09Объявление в автобусе:
- Землю - крестьянам! Фабрики - рабочим! Деньги - водителю! allanecdots.ru
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Молодожены едут в свадебное путешествие. Молодожена говорит молодомужу:
- Сережа, а давай мы не будем на людях целоваться. Пусть все думают, что мы женаты уже давно... allanecdots.ru
- Давай, но тогда на тебе твой чемодан и тащи его дальше сама!
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Машины уже играют в шахматы лучше человека. Скоро они будут играть лучше него в футбол, бильярд и теннис... И это правильно, пусть играют, а человек должен работать!
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Начальник, вернувшись из отпуска, несколько часов сидит в кресле, уставившись в стену. Наконец, хлопает себя по лбу и восклицает:
- Ребята! Я вспомнил, чем мы здесь занимаемся! allanecdots.ru
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Мать - дочери:
- Я в твоём возрасте ложилась в 10 часов спать! allanecdots.ru
- У тебя была плохая мать!
- Уж получше, чем у тебя!
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- Вы староста? Давайте зачетки, кто сегодня сдал.
- Вот. allanecdots.ru
- Напомните, какой курс?
- По курсу Центробанка, как и договаривались.
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- У вас явные психические расстройства.
- Это для вас они расстройства, а для меня - радости. allanecdots.ru
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- Мам, а можно я тоже побреюсь на лысо и отпущу бороду как у Уолтера Уайта?
- Какая же ты все-таки странная девочка, Наташ. allanecdots.ru
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Сижу дома, читаю книгу. Дочь подходит, удивленно на меня посмотрела и спрашивает:
- А че, интернет не работает? allanecdots.ru
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Звонок в дверь:
- Здравствуйте, квартиру сдаете? allanecdots.ru
- Да, 40$ в сутки. Вам на сколько?
- Да мне на минутку, поссать надо. Держите 60 коп!
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О том, что ты выглядишь на 17, приятно слышать в 40, а не когда тебе 22, документов с собой нет, и бухло без паспорта не продают.
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