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Юрий Николаевич
2015-08-13- Вчера был в кино и видел удивительную любовную сцену!
- А как называется фильм? allanecdots.ru
- Hе знаю, когда включили свет, оказалось что я сижу спиной к экрану.
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В военкомате на медкомиссии:
- Фамилия!!! allanecdots.ru
- Петров!!!
- Подошел! Спусти трусы. Повернись. Нагнись. Раздвинь ягодицы! Годен.
- А Вы в лицо не могли мне это сказать?
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Муж купил новый телевизор.
Жена: allanecdots.ru
- Ой, а почему это на коробке бокал нарисован?
Муж:
- Это значит, что покупку надо обмыть..
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- Дорогой, а давай поиграем в ролевые игры?
- Давай! allanecdots.ru
- Ты Шеф-повар ресторана, а я сплю.
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Бабуля на вокзале кричит:
- Hасильник, насильник! allanecdots.ru
Подходит носильщик и говорит:
- Бабка, да не насильник я, а носильщик.
- А (недовольная гримаса и взмах рукой), все одно потаскун...
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Два мужика дерутся:
- Ты правда с моей женой спал?! allanecdots.ru
- Hу спал...
- Если бы у меня был пистолет, я бы тебя застрелил, если бы у меня был ножик, я бы тебя зарезал!!!
- А ты меня забодай...
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- Алло! Папа, заберёшь меня?
- Нет. allanecdots.ru
- Ну-у-у почему?
- Ты же вчера купила суперудобные туфли, за 3 штуки! На каблуках 15 см, которые вообще не чувствуются. Вот и иди теперь пешком... И главное - от бедра, доченька, от бедра...
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- Мы не будем больше встречаться...
- Что, тараканы в твоей голове проголосовали против меня? allanecdots.ru
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Живем, как в Китае: в школу - дань, чиновнику - сунь, гаишнику - кинь, врачу - вынь, а зарплаты - хунь...
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Я понял всю ценность российских дорог, когда в автобусе напротив меня сидела симпатичная девушка с 4-м размером груди.
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- Папа, купи мне новый ноутбук.
- Не, дочка, ты будешь постоянно дома сидеть, в него пялиться. allanecdots.ru
- Ну ладно, а можно я пойду сегодня к друзьям с ночёвкой? Сегодня праздник, Коля вышел из тюрьмы.
- Тебе маленький или большой ноутбук нужен?
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