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Vaserman_Druz_
2016-08-26В магазине видел обалденный складной ножик с защитой от дурака. Но так и не понял, как же его раскладывать.
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У дачников свой Гороскоп. Летом они становятся Раком и Водолеем.
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Сегодня, проехав в маршрутке... Я поняла, чтo мало мы дарим мужикам на 23 февраля дезодорантов и нoсков! Ох как мало!
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- Милый, как тебе моя новая стрижка?
- Нормально. Отрастет. allanecdots.ru
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- Ничтожество, ты создан с единственной целью - прислуживать мне, своему господину! Повинуйся мне, или я уничтожу тебя и весь твой род!
- Киса, киса, что ты там мяукаешь, кушать хочешь? Иди ко мне кис-кис... allanecdots.ru
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Друзья разговаривают:
- У меня беда. Жена узнала, что я ей изменяю. allanecdots.ru
- Ничего, твоя жена сильная женщина...
- Вот это меня и пугает!
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- Просто поражаюсь, - обращается муж к жене, - неделю назад купил новую рубашку, а воротничок уже мал...
- Я тоже поражаюсь, - качает головой жена, - как это ты умудрился просунуть голову в рукав? allanecdots.ru
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- Почему ты разводишься с женой?
- Представляешь, ее всю ночь не было дома, а утром сказала, что ночевала у сестры! allanecdots.ru
- Ну и что?
- Врет, курва! У ее сестры ночевал я!
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- Ты вообще, с головой дружишь?
- С головой не обязательно дружить. Вот у меня с ней чисто деловые отношения: я её кормлю, а она думает! allanecdots.ru
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- Когда я с тобой, мне не хочется думать ни о работе, ни о карьере...
- Карьер сам себя не выкопает! Петрович, не выеживайся! Попробуй еще раз экскаватор завести! allanecdots.ru
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- Вот, женился, теперь курить нельзя, пить нельзя, на женщин смотреть нельзя!
- Не жалеешь? allanecdots.ru
- Жалеть тоже нельзя...
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