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Vaserman_Druz_
2018-02-14Когда консультант пытается что-то продать: Вам очень идет этот кредит, он подчеркивает ваши круги под глазами, может возьмете сразу два?
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Группа потерявшихся в джунглях русских туристов, была найдена по матерящимся попугаям.
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- У подруги сломался кухонный комбайн и электромясорубка, а я сказал, что очень люблю котлеты. Так она, чтобы превратить мясо в фарш, заморозила его и потерла на терке. Я живу в гениальной стране!
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Две подруги, глядя на проходящую мимо парочку:
– Вот что значит женская верность: Ленка замужeм уже шeстой раз, а любовник всё один и тот жe. allanecdots.ru
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- Алло, здравствуйте, это вам из Администрации звонят. Ваша очередь на детсад подошла!
- Спасибо, уже не надо, сына вчера в армию забрали. allanecdots.ru
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- Официант, а почему у меня в супе слуховой аппарат?!
- Простите, что вы сказали? allanecdots.ru
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- Жизнь доказывает, что самые хорошие мужья получаются из хороших
мальчиков. allanecdots.ru
- А самые хорошие жены?
- Из плохих девочек.
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Академик Павлов заходит в бар, и этот момент у кого-то звонит телефон. Павлов хлопает себя по лбу:
- Блин! Забыл собаку покормить... allanecdots.ru
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- Похоже, вы беременны.
- Я беременна? allanecdots.ru
- Нет. Но похоже.
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Звонок по телефону:
- Серега, привет, давно тебя не слышал! Как тебе жизнь после свадьбы? allanecdots.ru
- Я никогда не был так счастлив!
- Она что, рядом?..
- Я очень доволен!
- Держись, братан...
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- Вась, а у тебя кто-нибудь знакомый в полиции есть?
- Есть, Вован, кореш мой закадычный. allanecdots.ru
- А он там чем занимается?
- Второй месяц в КПЗ сидит...
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