Просто смешные анекдоты

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ПареньРазные 2018-07-01

С точки зрения судьбы, совесть - самое большое богатство. Обычно, если кому-то дается совесть, больше не дается ни фига.

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Вадим Разные 2018-07-01

Продавец женщине в магазине:
- Вам чем-нибудь помочь? allanecdots.ru
- Да, я ищу подарок самому близкому человеку.
- Ну... может быть, ноутбук?
- Нет, ноутбук у меня уже есть.

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

В троллейбусе две девчушки 15-16 лет сидят, беседуют. На остановке заходит парень, становится рядом и говорит, улыбаясь:
- О, какие девушки симпатичные. allanecdots.ru
Девушки смущаются:
- Да прям уж, симпатичные...
Парень:
- Ну ладно, шучу, шучу...

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

- Че это у вашего Паши за привычка - дверь в кабинет к нам ногой открывать?
- Он в ОМОНе служил, раньше вообще, перед тем как зайти, гранату закидывал. Еле отучили! allanecdots.ru

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

- Че делаешь?
- Я люблю, я скучаю, мне так тебя не хватает. Ты снишься мне каждую ночь, я не могу без тебя. А ты? allanecdots.ru
- Сосиску ем.

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

Жена мужу:
- То, что я у тебя просила прощения, я тебе никогда не прощу! allanecdots.ru

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

- Вот, смотри, часы себе купил водонепроницаемые, 50 метров держат.
- И зачем тебе водонепроницаемые часы? allanecdots.ru
- А вдруг под дождь попаду.
- Под 50-ти метровый?

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Вадим Разные 2018-06-30

- Вчера суп из черепахи ел!
- Ну и как? allanecdots.ru
- Из тарелки удобней.

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АвторРазные 2018-06-29

Адвокат подзащитному:
- У меня две новости: плохая и хорошая! allanecdots.ru
- Какая плохая?
- Анализ вашей крови показал полную идентичность вашей ДНК и ДНК крови, оставленной на трупе.
- Черт! А какая хорошая?
- Холестерин всего 4.

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АвторРазные 2018-06-29

- Ты замужем?.
- Конечно. allanecdots.ru
- Ну и как?
- Как в детстве!... Допоздна не гуляй! С чужими дядьками не общайся!

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АлексРазные 2018-06-29

Через несколько недель после знакомства.
- Дорогой, не пора ли тебе познакомить меня со своими родными? allanecdots.ru
- Даже не знаю, как быть. Дети сейчас у тёщи, а жена в отпуске.

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