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2019-04-01Муж с женой занимаются контрабандой животных. Собираются переправляться через границу. Муж говорит жене:
- Значит так, змей положишь в шляпу, черепах в лифчик засунешь, а скунса-в трусы. allanecdots.ru
Жена:
- А как же запах?
Муж:
- Ну сдохнет, так сдохнет.
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Объяснительная в ГИБДД:
- Находился под действием психотропных существ. allanecdots.ru
- Правильно писать «веществ».
- Нет, я имею ввиду жену и тещу.
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- Целых три месяца ты не можешь решить, какую купить машину, а мне сделал предложение на третий день нашего знакомства.
- Покупка машины - дело серьёзное. allanecdots.ru
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Из доклада в госдепе США:
- Пока трудно расшифровать, что страшного говорит русский президент своему народу в новогоднем обращении. Но они после этого уходят в запой на две недели. allanecdots.ru
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- Понимаешь, мне нужен такой человек... Надёжный, который в старости подаст бокал вина.
- Может воды? allanecdots.ru
- Извини, ты мне не подходишь.
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- Девушки, никогда не делайте мужскую работу! Я дома полочку сама прибила, потом три дня мужу доказывала, что у меня нет любовника!
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- Оксана, за тобой мужчины бегают?
- Бегают, но не очень быстро... allanecdots.ru
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- Сколько раз твоя мама выходила замуж?
- Мне даже сказать неудобно... allanecdots.ru
- Ну, в наше-то время...
- Один раз.
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– На подведомственном участке, на дороги вышло 15 единиц уборочной техники.
– Это же узбеки с лопатами! allanecdots.ru
– Это единицы уборочной техники.
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- Ума не приложу, как объяснить мужу, где я провела эту ночь...
- А ты не объясняй, пусть сам голову ломает! allanecdots.ru
- Чью?!
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