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Vaserman_Druz_
2019-04-07Я самодостаточный человек, и все, что мне нужно, всегда при мне: книги - в голове, музыка - в сердце, финансы - в жопе.
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Услышав мамино «была красавица, а теперь так опустилась», вздрогнула, прежде чем поняла, что речь про запеканку, которую я достала из духовки.
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- Домашние животные похожи на своих хозяев.
- А вы, девушка, наверное, крокодила дома держите? allanecdots.ru
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Всё-таки жизнь нынче стала намного проще. Лет двадцать назад, чтобы уронить телефон в унитаз, пришлось бы сначала оторвать его от стены.
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Две недели потеешь в зале и почти ничего не жрешь.Ожидание: налезет юбка маленького размера.Реальность: велики все лифчики.
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- А вы красите яйца на Пасху?
- Они у меня от рождения красивые! allanecdots.ru
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Счастье - это когда в вагон садятся дембеля и цыгане, а тебе выходить!
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- Вчера муж застукал меня как я брею его бритвой ноги. И он заставил купить новую!.. Новая бреет еще лучше!
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- Мужики, запомните! Обвиняя женщину в том, чего она не совершала, вы подаете ей идею!
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- Официант! Почему мясо жесткое?
- Все претензии - к барану. allanecdots.ru
- А я к нему и обращаюсь.
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Примерил обручальное кольцо на палец.
Почувствовал, как сдавило шею... allanecdots.ru
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