Просто смешные анекдоты

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petrosyanРазные 2019-08-23

Муж мечтательно говорит жене:
- Я хотел бы пойти туда, где никогда не был, и сделать то, чего никогда не делал... allanecdots.ru
- Прекрасно! Иди на кухню и помой посуду!

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petrosyanРазные 2019-08-23

Муж спрашивает жену:
- Что бы ты сделала, если бы я выиграл в лотерею? allanecdots.ru
- Забрала бы половину выигрыша и свалила от тебя на хрен!
- Классно! Я выиграл 100 рублей. Забирай 50 и вали на хрен!

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MilashkaРазные 2019-08-23

- Бывает встретишь кого-нибудь, и сразу же, с первого взгляда, с первого момента знаешь – ты хочешь прожить без него всю свою жизнь!..

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-08-23

- Я - инженер с двумя высшими образованиями, я вполне в состоянии в субботу утром сходить на рынок за крестовой отверткой и ключом на 13, а потом самостоятельно скрутить кровать. Даже с похмелья.
- Настя, ты же девочка! allanecdots.ru

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-08-23

- Слушай, может, поужинаем когда-нибудь?
- Вообще-то хочется каждый день ужинать. allanecdots.ru

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-08-23

Девушка моего приятеля танцевала на столе.
- Хорошие ножки, - сказал я ему. allanecdots.ru
- Ты правда так считаешь? - спросил он.
- Да, - ответил я. - Не каждый стол способен выдержать такой вес.

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-08-23

Ссора между мужчиной и женщиной.
М: - Да чтоб твоим детям жены как ты достались! allanecdots.ru
Ж: - Да как ты можешь такое детям желать?!!

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-08-23

Взрывное устройство можно сделать почти из чего угодно - например, из жены.
Для этого достаточно сказать "Дорогая, я всю зарплату пропил". allanecdots.ru

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petrosyanРазные 2019-08-22

Поймали как то медведь и заяц золотую рыбку. Ну, рыбка как полагается говорит:
- Отпустите меня, я вам по три желания исполню. allanecdots.ru
Загадывает медведь свои желания:
- Хочу... хочу чтобы в нашем лесу все медведи бабы были!
- А ещё хочу, чтобы и в соседнем лесу все медведи бабы были!
- И, напоследок, чтобы во всех лесах... все медведи бабы были!!!
Заяц загадывает:
- А я хочу мотоциклетный шлем!
- Хочу, - одевая шлем на голову, - мотоцикл!
Далее заяц одевает шлем, садится на мотоцикл, Даёт газу и кричит:
- А ещё хочу, чтобы медведь голубым стал!

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petrosyanРазные 2019-08-22

Лето - оно как пиво... Вроде много брали, а оно - хрясь и закончилось...

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petrosyanРазные 2019-08-22

Идеальный мужчина не пьёт, не курит, не смотрит футбол, никогда не спорит с женой и вообще не существует.

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