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petrosyan
2019-11-15Ученые Сколково изобрели особо чувствительный детектор лжи, но он сразу сгорел, как только его включили рядом с телевизором.
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- Дорогой, ты мне изменяешь?
- С чего ты взяла, дорогая? allanecdots.ru
- Тебя постоянно окружают умные и красивые женщины.
- Мне не нужны умные и красивые женщины, мне нужна ты.
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Достоевский в лице Раскольникова показал, как раньше поступали с микрозаймовыми организациями.
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- Мне одну мертвую курицу, пожалуйста.
- Странные у вас формулировки. allanecdots.ru
- Я - веган в развязке.
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– Здравствуйте, меня зовут Олег, и я много вру.
– Садись, Олег. allanecdots.ru
– Я не Олег.
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- Меня никто не любит.
- Я люблю тебя. allanecdots.ru
- Неужели трудно помолчать и послушать?
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- Читаю статистику: "В 2018 году вступили в брак 4 168 237 человек". Задумываюсь, разве число не должно быть четным?...
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- Ваши дети как цветы весной.
- О, спасибо. allanecdots.ru
- Распустились сволочи!
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- Привет, Танюшка! Чем занимаешься?
- Да мне вчера муж сказал, что между нами нет искры. Купила электрошокер. Сейчас жду, когда он очнется. Спрошу еще. allanecdots.ru
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Мужик приходит к директору цирка.
- Есть обалденный номер. Я поднимаюсь под купол цирка и прыгаю вниз головой с 20 метров на арену без всякой страховки. Встаю с манежа, приветствую публику. Пойдет? allanecdots.ru
- А вы сколько хотите за это?
- Триста долларов за каждый прыжок.
- Ну, надо посмотреть.
Идут на арену, мужик залезает под самый купол, прыгает вниз. Страшный удар головой о манеж, во все стороны опилки... Мужик, покачиваясь, поднимается...
Директор:
- В общем, неплохо. Значит, триста долларов...
- Три тысячи.
- Как три тысячи? Вы же только что говорили - триста.
- Ну, я тогда еще не пробовал!!!
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Начальник заходит к подчиненным с криком:
- Я же говорил - не курить на работе. allanecdots.ru
Один из подчиненных, сплевывая:
- А кто работает-то?
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