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Vaserman_Druz_Разные 2019-11-27

У меня на телефоне есть кнопка "откл.бл.". Я предполагаю, что где-то ещё должна быть кнопка "вкл.нах.".

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Vaserman_Druz_Разные 2019-11-27

Мужик, зашедший в ателье, решает помочь портнихе закрепить вешалку, но все ломает. Пытаясь исправить, рушит еще и стеллажи. Растерянно выдает:
- Хотел вот у вас пошить себе...
Портниха, перебивая:
- Дайте догадаюсь! Брюки, с рукавами из зада!

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AlikРазные 2019-11-27

Жена - мужу:
- Эх, вернуть бы мне мои пятьдесят. allanecdots.ru
- Дорогая, но тебе всего тридцать шесть.
- Ты о чем?
- О годах, конечно.
- А я о килограммах.

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ArnoldРазные 2019-11-27

- Когда слышишь фразу "Я хочу тебе кое в чём признаться", то первая мысль, которая приходит в голову, это "Вот тварь!".

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MasterРазные 2019-11-27

- С годами действительно мудреешь. Перестаешь осуждать людей. Я, например, уже никогда и ни за что не осуждаю себя. Возможно, когда-нибудь перестану осуждать других...

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MasterРазные 2019-11-27

- Где паспорт от насоса?
- Ты чо? Ему ж ещё четырнадцати нет! allanecdots.ru

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-11-26

- Что-то последнее время ты очень нервничаешь. Что случилось?
- У меня дурные предчувствия. allanecdots.ru
- В чём дело?
- Моя бывшая жена развелась в третий раз и опять вышла замуж за своего первого мужа.
- ???
- А я был вторым.

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-11-26

18 лет - вы прожили демо-версию своей жизни. Чтобы жить дальше надо платить.

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-11-26

Знаете ли вы, что если девушка красит ресницы на морозе, то велика вероятность застудить гланды.

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-11-26

Армия. Офицер обращается к новобранцу из строя:
- Как фамилия? allanecdots.ru
Ответ:
- Украинец.
- Я тебя спрашиваю, как фамилия твоя?!
- Украинец.
- Фамилия, ты понимаешь по-русски или нет?!
- Украинец моя фамилия!
Офицер (подозрительно)
- Так. А национальность?
- Беларус.
- Ты что, издеваешься?!

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ГеоргийРазные 2019-11-26

– Это ты мне дохлую змею в сапог положила?!
– Она что, сдохла? allanecdots.ru

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