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Виктор
2019-12-07Молодой папаша один дома с маленьким ребенком. Поет ему колыбельную:
- Баю-баюшки-баю. Где же носит мать твою! allanecdots.ru
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- Как прошел Новый Год?
- То-есть как это прошел?! allanecdots.ru
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Встреча Нового Года. Одна дама говорит другой:
- Мне кажется, мы с вами уже встречали новый год в одной компании лет 12 назад. allanecdots.ru
- Правда? Я что-то не припоминаю.
- У меня тоже на лица плохая память. Но на платья - хорошая.
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Я настолько забывчивый, что однажды на автомойке вспомнил, что машина осталась в гараже.
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С одной стороны хочется, чтобы наступил Новый год. А с другой стороны - почему всегда на меня?!
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Когда я вижу, как кто-то делает селфи, специально стараюсь влезть в кадр, чтобы потом человеку было проще выбрать, какие фотки удалить.
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Есть только миг между бывшей и будущей, именно он называется жизнь.
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Пришел домой - от жены записка: "Ушла к стоматологу".
Жду час, два, три. Потом, смотрю, вещей ее некоторых нет. allanecdots.ru
Звоню жене, она отвечает: "Да, ушла к стоматологу, он зарабатывает и не пьет, не то что ты - алкаш проклятый"!
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Жду час, два, три. Потом, смотрю, вещей ее некоторых нет. Звоню жене, она отвечает: "Да, ушла к стоматологу, он зарабатывает и не пьет, не то что ты - алкаш проклятый"!" data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/87777/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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В воинской части майор выстроил роту солдат.
- На танке поломалась рация. Кто может починить? allanecdots.ru
Выходит рядовой Иванов.
- Товарищ майор, а рация на полупроводниках или на лампах?
- Для идиотов повторяю: рация на танке!
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- Мама, а как мы появились на свет?
- Нас сотворил Господь. allanecdots.ru
- А папа сказал, что мы произошли от обезьян.
- Ну я тебе про своих родственников рассказываю, а папа - про своих…
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- Жизнь прекрасна и удивительна!
- А почему глаз дергается? allanecdots.ru
- От удивления и дергается.
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