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ГеоргийРазные 2020-12-28

Две овцы беседуют между собой.
– Мне кажется, что люди охраняют нас лишь для того, чтобы стричь с нас шерсть. allanecdots.ru
– Ради Бога, не смеши меня своими дурацкими теориями заговора!

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ГеоргийРазные 2020-12-28

Дама заходит в очень дорогой бутик.
Продавец: allanecdots.ru
– Здравствуйте, разрешите представить вам новую коллекцию, это эксклюзив! А, извините, деньги у вас есть?
– Нет.
– Ну и что ты припёрлась, шла бы на рынок!
– У меня карточка.
– И снова здравствуйте!

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ДобрыйРазные 2020-12-28

Из любого холостяка через пару лет получается отличный пельменный критик.

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ДобрыйРазные 2020-12-28

Встречаются два микроба. Один другому говорит:
- Что ты такой бледный, на тебе лица нет? allanecdots.ru
Второй говорит:
- Слушай, не подходи ко мне близко, по-моему, я подхватил пенициллин.

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ДобрыйРазные 2020-12-28

Волчица возвращается из города в лес. Ее подруга спрашивает ее:
- Ну, как? Наверное, оттянулась по полной программе? allanecdots.ru
- Да, какое там! Только время потеряла - так ни одна собака и не пристала!

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АвторРазные 2020-12-28

Почему когда пишут "достойная заработная плата", не уточняют, что заработная плата, достойная слез, насмешек и сочувствия.

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АвторРазные 2020-12-28

Молодой летчик заходит на посадку и решил пошутить.
Связывается с диспетчером: allanecdots.ru
- Угадай, кто?
Диспетчер выключает все огни на посадочной полосе и отвечает:
- Угадай, куда...

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АвторРазные 2020-12-28

На встрече заказчик начал тереться щекой об образец ковролина. Спрашиваю, зачем? Говорит:
- К нам часто приходят «маски-шоу», поэтому всем должно быть комфортно, когда лежишь лицом в пол. allanecdots.ru

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АвторРазные 2020-12-28

- Почему ты все время пристаешь ко мне с разными вопросами, когда я ем?
- Потому что очень сложно поймать момент, когда ты не ешь. allanecdots.ru

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АвторРазные 2020-12-28

- Мое новогоднее желание очень благородно: буду помогать подругам набрать лишние килограммы, чтобы на их фоне выглядеть стройнее...

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МастерРазные 2020-12-28

- Соседи не жалуются, когда ты с перфоратором работаешь?
- Да не, я же ночью, когда все спят. allanecdots.ru

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