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Георгий
2021-01-05Купила умные весы, теперь, как только увидят меня, прячутся под кровать.
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- Хочу сказать новогодний тост...
- Умоляю, только не говори как в прошлый раз о том, что пусть наступающий Новый год будет необычным, ярким и запоминающимся! allanecdots.ru
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– Вот раздражать же начала эта коронаистерия! Мало им уже сообщений по ТВ и радио. Так они теперь по всему городу табло развесили с постоянно растущими цифрами заболевших! Вот погляди!
– Это курсы валют. allanecdots.ru
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- Мадемуазель, можно вашу ручку? Какая изящная… Достанешь дяде огурчик?
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Новый год - это когда папы пробуют убедить своих детей в том, что он Дед Мороз, а свою жену - что он не Дед Мороз.
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В ресторане. Официант:
- Месье, что будете кушать. allanecdots.ru
- Я бы хотел то, что ест вон тот мужчина у окна!
- Это невозможно, он не отдаст.
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Хуже всего, когда залезаешь к девушке в джакузи. И понимаешь, что это не джакузи.
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... и в конкурсе на самую бесполезную новость побеждает рекомендация как лучше выбирать чёрную икру!
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Сначала ты говоришь, что в нашей постели никаких запретов, а потом "с пельменями нельзя" и "куда ты тащишь арбуз"?!
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Запоздавший гость садится за стол, подвигает вазочку с черной икрой и начинает есть ложкой. Хозяин подходит к нему и тихо шепчет:
- Милейший, это же вам не каша... allanecdots.ru
- Ну что вы! Разумеется! Никакого сравнения!
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Роскосмос планирует покрыть всю землю высокоскоростным заблокированным интернетом.
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