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Шутник
2022-09-20Жена с укором обращается к мужу:
- Мне нужны внимание и уход! allanecdots.ru
- Хорошо. Внимание... я ухожу.
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Муж - жене:
- Перестань называть меня "Котя"! Потому что когда ты орешь с кухни: "Котя, иди кушать!", мы с котом бежим и сталкиваемся... allanecdots.ru
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- Я половой гигант!
- Чем докажешь?! allanecdots.ru
- Давай постелю ламинат в твоей трёшке за день!
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На столе у бухгалтера должно лежать столько бумажек, сколько он может съесть за один раз.
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По мнению многих мужиков, дружить надо в первую очередь с диваном, на него всегда можно положиться!
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Случай в маршрутке:
- Мужчина, уберите свою собаку!.. А то по мне блохи скачут!.. allanecdots.ru
- Тузик отойди, не видишь - у женщины блохи.
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Нервный человек не тот, кто кричит на подчинённого - это просто хам. Нервный человек тот, кто кричит на своего начальника.
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- Дорогой, а давай мы с тобой поменяемся на выходные!
- Это как? allanecdots.ru
- Ты будешь стирать и готовить, а я буду тебя хотеть...
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- Вы заметили особые приметы преступника?
- У него торчала нитка на свитере... allanecdots.ru
- Это зацепка.
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Бойтесь людей, которые улыбаются всегда, даже с утра, даже зимой. Они способны изящно нарезать салат из окружающих с тем же выражением лица.
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