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Георгий
2021-04-09Звонок начальнику военного училища:
- Ваш курсант задержан при попытке завязать драку. allanecdots.ru
- При попытке или...?
- При попытке.
- Это не наш курсант.
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Когда мне говорят, что у меня не всё в порядке с логикой, я просто смеюсь над этим и продолжаю пришивать пуговицы к сосискам.
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Лeтo. Mурaвeй тaщит брeвнo. Mимo прoлeтaeт cтрeкoзa в бикини.
Mурaвeй: - Cтрeкoзa, кудa лeтишь? allanecdots.ru
Cтрeкoзa: - Ha пляж, пoзaгoрaю.
Mурaвeй: - Hу, ну бacню тo пoмним.
Oceнь. Mурaвeй в caпoгax, фуфaйкe, тaщит брeвнo, мимo oпять cтрeкoзa.
Mурaвeй: - Cтрeкoзa, кудa лeтишь?
Cтрeкoзa: - Дa прoxлaднo cтaлo, пoлeчу нa Kaнaры, пoзaгoрaю.
Mурaвeй: - Hу, ну.
Зимa. Mурaвeй в вaлeнкax, тулупe, шaпкe ушaнкe тaщит брeвнo. Mимo cтрeкoзa в нoркoвoм мaнтo.
Mурaвeй: - Cтрeкoзa! Kудa ты?
Cтрeкoзa: - B клуб, тaм ceгoдня вeчeр литeрaтoрoв!
Mурaвeй: - Kрылoвa увидишь?
Cтрeкoзa: - Hу, мoжeт и увижу!
Mурaвeй: -Taк пeрeдaй, чтo oн мудaк!
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- Рабинович, как думаете, какие продукты питания, в основном, предпочитают покупать россияне?
- Таки, какие продукты они ПРЕДПОЧИТАЮТ, не скажу, а ПОКУПАЮТ, в основном, дешёвые... allanecdots.ru
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Из одного магазина заказал курицу с доставкой на дом, а из другого магазина - яйца.
... посмотрим, посмотрим... allanecdots.ru
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- Прoститe, вы врeмя нe пoдскaжeтe?
- Moгу скaзaть, нo тoлькo примeрнo... allanecdots.ru
- Нe тoмитe!
- Kaжeтся, сeгoдня втoрник...
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- Скажите, Вы бы хотели, чтобы ваши дети походили на Вашего мужа?
- Нет! Зачем мне в семье идиоты? allanecdots.ru
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- Звонок. Представились из Сбербанка. Я им как обычно "Вечер в хату, уроды" и все такое, а мне там отвечают: "Успокойтесь, ваша карта готова, подходите в отделение как будет удобно".
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- Подруга решила поговорить о нашем будущем. Я полчаса распинался про телепортацию, лазеры и силовые поля. Как позже выяснилось, я не очень понял вопрос...
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- Через 800 метров поверните направо.
- Через 500 метров поверните налево. allanecdots.ru
- Похудейте на 10 килограмм.
- Вадик, я не тупая и твой голос от навигатора отличаю.
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