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Георгий
2021-04-19Посоветуйте музыку для секса, чтобы заглушить хруст суставов. Минуты на 3, больше не нужно...
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– Святой отец, целыми днями слышу в голове голос, который говорит что мне делать. Думаете, я одержим демоном?
– Нет, ты просто женат. allanecdots.ru
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Звоню в пожарную часть:
– Моя кошка залезла на дерево и не может оттуда слезть. allanecdots.ru
Пожарный:
– Простите, но мы сейчас выезжаем только на пожары.
Я:
– Ладно, дайте мне минутку.
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– Ты понимаешь, почему я десять лет сижу дома и не хожу на работу?
– Нет… allanecdots.ru
– Чтобы ты всегда знала, где я, любимая!
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- Что рождается в споре женской и мужской логики?
- Истина? allanecdots.ru
- Нет! Детская логика!!
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Суд. Звонит телефон, секретарь снимает трубку, слушает, спрашивает у судьи:
- Ваш муж звонит, говорит, на плите 2 кастрюли и интересуется - в какой из них завтрак ему, а в какой - для собак. allanecdots.ru
Заседание продолжить не удалось.
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Средние века, идёт турнир по стрельбе из лука. Цель сбить яблоко с головы человека. Выходит первый участник, высокий красивый блондин с обычным луком, натягивает тетиву стреляет... попадает точно в яблоко. Участник говорит:
- I'm John. allanecdots.ru
Выходит второй участник, среднего роста брюнет с большим луком, натягивает тетиву стреляет... снова точное попадание в яблоко. Толпа ликует. Участник кланяется и говорит:
- I'm Sam.
Выходит третий участник, маленький коренастый страшненький рыжий парень с громадным луком больше его самого, заряжает бревно и стреляет, сносит голову человеку с яблоком. Толпа в шоке, участник говорит:
- I'm sorry.
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- Koгдa в oргaнизм пoпaдaeт cлишкoм мнoгo рaбoты, oн нaчинaeт вырaбaтывaть aнтидeлa.
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Kтo-нибудь мoжeт мнe oбъяcнить, пoчeму лeтaющий мужчинa нaзывaeтcя cупeрмeн, a лeтaющaя жeнщинa - вeдьмa?
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Жeнa:
- He xoчeшь тяпнуть coтoчку? allanecdots.ru
Mуж нeдoвeрчивo:
- Xoчуу...
- Toгдa coбирaйcя нa дaчу, тoк тяпку нe зaбудь!
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Народная примета: человек, который стоит перед тобой у банкомата, всегда тупой и делает всё очень медленно.
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