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2021-06-16Забавно слышать в торговом центре по громкой связи: "Найден слуховой аппарат, обращаться в справочную".
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Любовь - это когда ты точно знаешь, что твоя жена дура, но скрываешь это от нее всю жизнь.
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Однажды ты уснешь на вечеринке, а твои друзья вместо того, чтобы нарисовать тебе маркером усы, как у Сальвадора Дали, укроют тебя одеялом и уйдут в другую комнату. Это и есть старость, пути назад нет.
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Средние века, идёт турнир по стрельбе из лука. Цель сбить яблоко с головы человека. Выходит первый участник, высокий красивый блондин с обычным луком, натягивает тетиву стреляет... попадает точно в яблоко. Участник говорит:
- I'm John. allanecdots.ru
Выходит второй участник, среднего роста брюнет с большим луком, натягивает тетиву стреляет... снова точное попадание в яблоко. Толпа ликует. Участник кланяется и говорит:
- I'm Sam.
Выходит третий участник, маленький коренастый страшненький рыжий парень с громадным луком больше его самого, заряжает бревно и стреляет, сносит голову человеку с яблоком. Толпа в шоке, участник говорит:
- I'm sorry.
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Учёные скрестили черепаху и кролика. Черекролик идёт медленно, но если догонит жертву...
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Посылаю своим недругам луч любви и всепрощения. Пусть он спалит вас дотла, уроды.
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Режиссёр фильма "Как я провёл этим летом" снимает продолжение: "Как я учил русскую языку".
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- Ребята, а у меня в подъезде крысы развелись.
- Ничего удивительного. Я изначально не верил в их отношения. allanecdots.ru
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Босс - секретарше:
- Ты сделала отчёт, который я просил у тебя месяц назад? allanecdots.ru
- Нет пока.
- На какой ты стадии?
- На первой.
- Ты наливаешь кофе и достаёшь из шкафа сахар?
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Каждый, кто хоть раз видел, как прекрасен утром подмосковный лес, больше никогда не сядет в машину к незнакомым людям.
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