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2021-07-13В какой последовательности я меняю постельное белье:
1. НАВОЛОЧКА allanecdots.ru
2. ПРОСТЫНЬ
3. ОТРИЦАНИЕ
4. ГНЕВ
5. ТОРГ
6. ДЕПРЕССИЯ
7. ПОДОДЕЯЛЬНИК
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Отец сыну:
- Ты не видел эту хрень, которая картошку чистит? allanecdots.ru
- Две минуты назад ушла к подружке…
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- Привет, я прибыл из будущего. Какой сейчас год?
- 2020-й. allanecdots.ru
- То есть, десятилетний карантин только начался?
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– Дорогой, куда ты меня поведёшь на майские праздники?
– Поедем к твоей маме! allanecdots.ru
– А на Новый год?
– Приеду, заберу.
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- Дорогой, это платье меня полнит?
- А пообещай, что не будешь сердиться, если я скажу правду. allanecdots.ru
- Обещаю.
- Я пробухал все наши сбережения на отпуск.
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После ограбления банка не хватало 2 миллионов. Директор банка журналистам:
- Напишите, что было украдено 3 миллиона. Пусть у этой сволочи дома будет жуткий скандал! allanecdots.ru
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Чтобы мужчина нашёл что-либо в холодильнике, оно должно находится на уровне глаз и бегать по полке, привлекая внимание.
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Не имеет значения, ответил ты «да» или «нет» на вопрос «боишься ли ты щекотки?» тебя всё равно начнут щекотать и мерзко хихикать.
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- Пaпa, я взрocлaя caмocтoятeльнaя жeнщинa, я мoгу купить ceбe кaртoфeль.
- Koпaй, нe oтвлeкaйcя. allanecdots.ru
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В 3 часа ночи звонок в дверь:
- Кто там? allanecdots.ru
- Грабители, нам нужно 100 кг золота.
- А 105 кг не надо??
- Ну давайте 105.
- Ксюшенька, золотце, вставай за тобой пришли.
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Двa близнeцa нa мeдocмoтрe в вoeнкoмaтe. Пeрвый выxoдит из кaбинeтa, втoрoй cпрaшивaeт:
- Hу чтo, взяли? allanecdots.ru
- Heт, кoмиccoвaли.
- Прoйди eщe рaз, a тo мнe рaздeвaтьcя нe xoчeтcя.
Чeрeз нecкoлькo минут:
- Cлушaй!!! A тeбя взяли!
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