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2011-02-22Экскурсовод в зоопарке:
— Вот это — стервятник, он питается стервами. Девушка в красном платье, отойдите от клетки.
— Я не стерва!
— А он и блядями питается!
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Учительница математики, случайно зашедшая в секс-шоп впервые увидела, как на самом деле выглядит многочлен.
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За столом:
- Мама почему папа лысый?
- Потому что он умный.
- Тогда почему ты такая волосатая?
- Молчи, ешь.
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- Как называется корова, которая не дает молока?
- Жадина-говядина!
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В том, что моя семья распалась, виноваты оба, и я считаю, что вина распределяется поровну: 50% - жена, 50% - теща.
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Хозяйке на заметку. Чтобы мыльница на резиновых присосках лучше держалась на кафельной плитке, надо присоски намазать клеем и прибить гвоздями.
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Если вы заблудились в лесу и очень устали, найдите медведя, бросьте в него камнем - и вашу усталость как рукой снимет.
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- Просто диву даешься, наши соседи не ругаются уже три дня!
- Может, они поссорились?
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- Вчера с такой классной девчонкой познакомился в театре, взял у неё номерок...
- И что?
- Забрал пальто и ушёл!
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- Ах! Какая собачка!!! ! Сю-сю-сю. Ты моя маленькая.
Сколько стоит?
- 40 тысяч.
- За эту хуёвинку с лапками?!
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