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2012-10-14Пустыня. Ползет умирающий человек. Случайно мимо проезжает джип. Люди видят умирающего от жажды, бросаются на помощь, крича:
- Воды! Скорее воды! allanecdots.ru
Подносят к его лицу чашку с водой. Умирающий открывает глаза и с трудом произносит:
- Кипяченая? ...
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Мужик собирается идти с женой в город через лес. Тут вбегает его супруга:
- Голодный медведь в лесу задрал двух человек! allanecdots.ru
- Ну и че встала, собирайся давай.
- Не пойду я, боюсь!
- Дура, давай быстрее, пока медведь сытый.
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Утром. Теща выходит из своей комнаты проводить зятя на работу и жалуется:
- Всю ночь комар кусал - утром проснулась, а подушка в крови. allanecdots.ru
Зять:
- Так это его после Вас, мама, вырвало!
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Вчера моей жене удалось за час сжечь 5000 калорий. Вместе с ними сгорела и кастрюля, в которой она их готовила.
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Сергей зарабатывает в месяц 40 тысяч рублей. А его жена Оля тратит в месяц 80 тысяч рублей. Вопрос: догадывается ли Сергей о существовании Антона?
allanecdots.ru
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- Серега, привет! Сколько лет, сколько зим!
- Один год, два месяца и три недели. Когда долг вернешь, Вова? allanecdots.ru
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- Вот скажи если муж чистит ногти отверткой, можно назвать его дебилом?
- Ну если только отвертка крестовая! allanecdots.ru
- Еще один...
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( С колоритным Одесским говором):
- Вы - товарищ Иванов? allanecdots.ru
- Да.
- Так это вы тот самый Иванов, которыё вчера спас мальчика Сёму, который тонул?
- Да, это я.
- Я его мама. Слушайте, где его кепочка?
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Внимание! Потерялся сын начальника Донецкой налоговой инспекции - мальчик 12-ти лет, особые приметы - подполковник.
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- Кого ты любишь больше, маму или папу?!
- Маму и папу! allanecdots.ru
- А больше?!
- А больше никого!
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