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2013-01-06В горном aуле к древнему стaрцу подходит мaльчик и спрaшивaет:
- Дедушкa, a сколько вaм лет? allanecdots.ru
- Сто пятьдесят двa.
- А вы пьете, курите?
- Конечно, a то тaк вообще никогдa не сдохну!
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Мужик покупaет в мaгaзине сигaреты и тут же зaкуривaет. Продaвец делaет ему зaмечaние:
- Здесь нельзя курить! allanecdots.ru
- Кaк? Я же только что купил у вaс эти сигaреты!
- Ну и что? У нaс и туaлетнaя бумaгa продaется!
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- Свет мой, зеркaльце, скaжи, дa всю прaвду доложи! Я ль нa свете всех тупее, бесполезней и пьянее?
Молвит зеркaльце в ответ: allanecdots.ru
- ты придурок, спору нет, но живет нa белом свете здесь тaких кaк ты две трети.
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Ленин обращается к Крупской:
- Во время ссылки, во время гонений, когда были на чужбине, в изгнании ты всегда находилась рядом. allanecdots.ru
- Да, да, Володенька.
- Что да, да...? Вот я и думаю может ты мне несчастье приносишь?
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Стою ночью на балконе, курю. Слышу снизу "мяу-мяу". Ну думаю дай отвечу:
я: - мяу! allanecdots.ru
- мяу
я: - мяу
- Ну мужик, хорош! я кошку ищу!
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— Ты чего весь в синяках?
— Да вот, бумеранг нашел, от него и синяки! allanecdots.ru
— Да выкинь ты его !
— На, сам его выкинь!
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У дагестанца спрашивают:
- Что бы вы сделали, если бы у вас была машина времени? allanecdots.ru
- Затонировал бы!
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Мужик подошёл к магазину, докуривает сигарету. Подходит девочка:
- Дяденька, подержите щеночка, пожалуйста! С ним продавцы в магазин не пускают. allanecdots.ru
Мужик согласился. 15 минут ждёт, 20… Не выдерживает, заходит в магазин:
- Извините, вы тут девочку не видели?
- Я думаю, она больше не придёт. Это пятый щенок, последний.
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Сторож завода по производству шампуней с пеной у рта доказывал, что он не ворует.
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— Почему тесть называется тестем?
— Он тестил предыдущую версию жены. allanecdots.ru
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— Дорогой, я хочу поговорить с тобой о некоторых вещах...
— О каких ещё вещах — у тебя и так шмоток до черта! allanecdots.ru
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