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Gergt
2014-10-21- Хьюстон, у нас проблемы.
- Какие? allanecdots.ru
- Не знаю, пацаны в спортивных штанах пришли какие-то и говорят, что у нас проблемы.
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- Ты мой принц!
- Почему? allanecdots.ru
- Потому что у тебя между ног - настоящий конь!
- А-а-а... Тогда ты моя красавица!
- Почему?
- Потому что утром тебя хрен добудишься.
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- Свет мой, зеркальце, скажи... да всю правду доложи... я ль на свете всех милее, всех румяней и белее?
А мне зеркальце в ответ: allanecdots.ru
- Протрезвей, блин, я планшет...
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По-настоящему поздно лёг - это когда с утра звонит мобильный, ты берёшь трубку, читаешь "Будильник", нажимаешь кнопку ответа, кричишь в трубку: - "Алло!", а сам судорожно пытаешься вспомнить: кто такой Будильник и откуда ты его знаешь.
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Идут по лесу двое охотников. Вдруг один спрашивает:
- Ты видел? allanecdots.ru
- Нет.
- Да ты что? Только что куропатка над нами пролетела.
Идут дальше. Тут первый опять спрашивает:
- Ты видел?
- Нет.
- Да ты что, совсем слепой? Заяц только что пробежал!
Через некоторое время первый снова спрашивает:
- Ты видел?
Второй, уже чувствуя себя неловко, решил ответить утвердительно:
- Да, видел!
- Так что ж ты тогда в него наступил?
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- Мамма миа, итальяно писуаро!!! - закричал кот, увидев мои новые итальянские туфли!
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Я свадебный фотограф. И знаете, что в моей профессии самое грустное? То, что у меня есть постоянные клиенты.
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- Известный российский певец с рыбной фамилией, звериным именем и аптечным отчеством - кто это?
- Лев Валерьянович Лещенко. allanecdots.ru
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Дама дает совет подруге: - Ты можешь бесконечно уменьшать свои возраст, но я советую все-таки оставить девять месяцев разницы между твоим возрастом и возрастом твоей дочери...
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Приходит глухонемой к другу и говорит (на языке жестов):
- Вчера прихожу домой, а жена на меня давай орать. allanecdots.ru
Друг: - Ну и чего ты сделал?
Глухонемой: - Выключил свет и сразу стало тихо!
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