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Vaserman_Druz_
2014-12-01При посадке в самолет пассажир обращается к стюардессе:
- Где тут у вас рвотные пакеты? allanecdots.ru
- Мы еще не взлетели, а вас уже тошнит?!
- А вы посмотрите на мою соседку!
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Судья - обвиняемому:
- Чем вы можете опровергнуть показания свидетелей? allanecdots.ru
- Мне нужно время, чтобы это обдумать.
- Хорошо. Вам пять лет хватит?
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- Саня, смотри, какая девушка! Бёдра-во, грудь-во!
- Витя, успокойся, у тебя очки +10! allanecdots.ru
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На остановке стоит девушка в очень узких джинсах. Мимо проходит парень и, не выдержав, говорит:
- И как можно залезть в такие узкие джинсы?! allanecdots.ru
Девушка:
- Сначала в ресторан..
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Подходит к рабочему заведующий складом, и говорит:
- Ты уже три месяца у нас работаешь, и не можешь отличать первый сорт угля от второго! allanecdots.ru
- Но зато я теперь знаю, что тонна весит 700 килограмм!
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- Понимаешь, Анна, когда я смотрю футбол, я забываю обо всем на свете.
- Меня зовут Марина... allanecdots.ru
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- Почему ты, милая, плачешь? Ведь я уезжаю не на десять лет, а всего лишь на месяц.
- Знаю я тебя! Говоришь, на месяц, а вернёшься через три дня. allanecdots.ru
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Двое друзей разговаривают:
- Твоя жена много болтает? allanecdots.ru
- Ты не поверишь... Когда мы были в отпуске, у нее даже язык загорел.
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Три стадии развития мужчины:
1. "АГУ" - младенец. allanecdots.ru
2. "АГА" - подросток.
3. "УГУ" - муж.
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2. "АГА" - подросток. 3. "УГУ" - муж." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/36194/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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Школьник нашел миллион долларов и сдал находку в милицию. Рыдающая мать утверждала, что, бля, гордится сыном.
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- У меня сын родился!
- О! Поздравляю! И на кого похож? allanecdots.ru
- На меня пьяного.
- Как это?
- Орет на всех и жену за сиськи хватает.
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