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Gergt
2014-12-18- Мне приснился чудесный сон, - говорит один солдат.
- Как будто бы я не смог заплатить за жилье в казарме и меня выкинули оттуда. allanecdots.ru
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- Милый, а что будет если ты узнаешь, что я тебе изменила?
- Я надеюсь, что я этого не узнаю? allanecdots.ru
- Я тоже на это надеюсь
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- Девушка, это вам от мужчины, сидящего за вон тем столиком.
- А что это? allanecdots.ru
- Его счёт.
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Пустыня. Ползет умирающий человек. Случайно мимо проезжает джип. Люди видят умирающего от жажды, бросаются на помощь, крича:
- Воды! Скорее воды! allanecdots.ru
Подносят к его лицу чашку с водой. Умирающий открывает глаза и с трудом произносит:
- Кипяченая?..
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- Деда, а расскажи как ты во время войны два самолёта сбил!
- Ну-у-у... Не совсем сбил.. Скажем так: недозаправил! allanecdots.ru
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Гламурная москвичка приезжает погостить в деревню к бабушке.
- Бабуль, куда у вас тут ночью сходить можно? allanecdots.ru
- В ведро.
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Юбилей олигарха. Один из гостей произносит тост: - Я поднимаю этот бокал за юбиляра не потому, что он миллиардер - мы тоже люди не бедные! И не потому, что у него шикарная яхта - мы тоже не в корыте плаваем. И даже не потому, что он глава десяти крупных компаний! А хочу я поднять этот тост за то, что он еще и пособие по безработице получает!
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- Почему все говорят, что женщины любят деньги?
- Да не любим мы их! Посмотрите, с какой скоростью мы от них избавляемся. allanecdots.ru
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Соседи реально бесят. Не сверлят, не слушают музыку, не бухают, не шумят. Такое впечатление, что сидят и подслушивают.
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Дедуля выиграл миллион долларов в лотерею. Журналисты просят его поделиться ощущениями.
- Ну что я могу сказать... Я рад, что у меня теперь есть большая и любящая семья. allanecdots.ru
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- Милая, что тебе подарить?
- Все равно что, любимый, лишь бы коробка-автомат и спутниковая система навигации! allanecdots.ru
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