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2015-01-23- Представляешь, возвращаюсь ночью домой - и моя жена в постели с каким-то мужиком лежит.
- Зашибись! Дожили! С каким-то мужиком! Давай теперь уже друзей в лицо узнавать не будем! allanecdots.ru
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- Можно ли нам посмотреть на собаку, которая вчера заняла первое место на конкурсе сторожевых собак?
- К сожалению, этой ночью её украли. allanecdots.ru
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- Дорогой, ты где был?
- Бегал. allanecdots.ru
- А почему футболка сухая и не пахнет?
- А, значит, где дубленка, шапка, костюм, барсетка с деньгами, тебя не интересует, да?
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- Капитан!!! Капитан!!!
- Что? allanecdots.ru
- Якорь всплыл!
- Хммм... Скверная примета...
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- Сёма, ты мне приснился в эротическом сне.
- И шо там, Сара, я тебе вытворял? allanecdots.ru
- Ты пришёл и всё испортил…
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- Таня, ты выйдешь за меня?
- А ты мне колечко с большим бриллиантом подаришь?! allanecdots.ru
- ЛИХО ТЫ МЕНЯ ПОСЛАЛА, ЛИХО!
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Тёща говорит зятю:
- Сёма, настроение твоей жены должно быть таким, шобы ей в ванной хотелось петь. allanecdots.ru
- Я дико извиняюсь, мама, каких ещё таких Петь?
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- Спишь?
- Нет. allanecdots.ru
- А чё глаза закрыл?
- Зрение экономлю...
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Ужас, не могу начать пить лекарство потому, что в инструкции написано - принимать через час после еды… А я таких больших промежутков… в еде не делаю!...
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В Лондоне, в своем доме, в гостиной сидит англичанин, курит трубку и читает утреннюю Тimеs. Вдруг обваливается стена и в гостиную, скрипя тормозами, въезжает Бентли, за рулем которого сидит другой англичанин.
Первый спокойно переводит на него взгляд, вынимает трубку и спрашивает: allanecdots.ru
- Могу я спросить, куда сэр так торопится?
- В Манчестер, сэр!
- В таком случае, сэр, Вам было бы ближе через кухню...
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