Просто смешные анекдоты

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-19

- Мама, я еду домой, что-нибудь купить?
- Купи себе квартиру и живи отдельно!!! allanecdots.ru

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-19

Жена - мужу:
- Не смей говорить, когда я тебя перебиваю. allanecdots.ru

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

Взмыленные родители подбегают к двенадцатилетней девочке:
- Ах ты дрянная девчонка!.. Мы с папой уже все бары и дискотеки оббегали!.. А она у подъезда... На качелях качается! allanecdots.ru

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

Разгневанный сержант вбегает в казарму и орет:
- Какая сволочь 5 минут назад сказала моей девушке на проходной, что каждая нашивка обозначает ребенка? allanecdots.ru

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

- С той минуты, как я познакомился с вами, - говорит мужчина своей курортной знакомой, - я не могу ни есть, ни пить, ни курить...
- Вы так сильно полюбили меня? allanecdots.ru
- Нет, просто на все это не остается денег.

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

В суде:
- Надеюсь, вы знаете, что вас ждет за дачу ложных показаний? allanecdots.ru
- Да, обещали BMW...

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

- Берримор, ваша жена всю ночь плакала. Вы что, плохо с ней обошлись?
- Напротив, прекрасно обошелся без неё. allanecdots.ru

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

- Мама, я научилась считать!
- Да? И что ты считаешь? allanecdots.ru
- Я считаю всех говном.

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

В большом yнивеpмаге дама долго веpтится пеpед зеpкалом, что-то пpимеpяя на голове. Hаконец она нашла то, что хотела.
- Hy, как? - обpащается она к пpодавцy, явно довольная собой. allanecdots.ru
- Я вынyжден вас огоpчить, мадам, - отвечает тот, - но это отдел абажypов.

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

Покупательница кричит продавцу:
- Это безобразие! Принесите мне книгу жалоб! allanecdots.ru
- Какой том?

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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-07-18

Заключенный получает письмо от жены.
- Что пишут? - спрашивает его сосед по камере. allanecdots.ru
- Сын остался в школе на второй год. Какой позор семье!

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