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2018-01-23
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У долгожителей линия жизни на ладони заканчивается подмышкой.
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Как–то раз ученики сидели с удочками на берегу реки и ловили рыбу.
Подошёл Учитель и поинтересовался у них: allanecdots.ru
- Не клюёт?
- Не клюёт, - со вздохом ответили ученики.
- И не будет, - сказал мудрый Учитель. - У рыб нет клюва.
Потрясенные такой мудростью Учителя ученики притащили сеть.
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- А это у Вас салфетки или туалетная бумага?
- А это смотря с какой стороны будете вытираться! allanecdots.ru
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Интересно, кто в Гидрометцентре главный ощущатель, который оценивает ощущаемую температуру?
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- Мне нужна волшебная палочка.
- Есть только крабовые. allanecdots.ru
- Давайте.
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- Какие вкусные пирожки, хозяюшка! Поделишься секретом?
- Конечно. Твоя жена спит с твоим начальником... allanecdots.ru
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Русалка - это девушка, которая в детстве ела много сладкого.
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- Вы новая секретарша моего мужа?
- Да. allanecdots.ru
- Надеюсь, вы не столь энергичны, как ваша предшественница...
- А кто была моя предшественница?
- Я.
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- Дочка, ты замуж выходить собираешься?
- Кто? Я? Да вы что?! У меня хомяк жил - сдох, а муж - это такая ответственность! Не-е-е!.. allanecdots.ru
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В полицию прибегает заплаканная женщина:
- Найдите моего мужа, я жить без него не могу, а он исчез. allanecdots.ru
- Когда это произошло?
- Неделю назад.
- Но почему вы только сейчас об этом заявляете?
- У него сегодня получка.
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