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2020-03-25В магазине:
– Бутылку пива, пожалуйста. allanecdots.ru
– Паспорт есть?
– Нет.
– Тополиный пух?
– Жара, июль.
– Понятно. Вам какое?
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Через границу из города чудес Лурда переезжает еврей.
– Есть у вас что нибудь для оплаты пошлины? – спрашивает таможенник. allanecdots.ru
– Нет.
– А что в этой бутылке?
– Вода из Лурда.
Таможенник открывает бутылку:
– Это же французский коньяк!
– Ну? – удивляется еврей. – Новое чудо!
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Сидят два мужика в арабском баре. Смотрят – в меню запись: «Молоко по арабски – 10$». Один говорит: «Ну давай посмотрим, что это такое – молоко по арабски». В общем заказывают. Приносят им два пустых стакана. Вдруг открывается дверь – входит танцовщица, начинает танцевать «танец живота». Подходит, наклоняется над стаканами: раз – из одной груди молоко выжала в один стакан; раз – из другой груди – в другой. И уходит. Мужики смотрят смотрят ошалело, потом один говорит: «Хорошо еще, что мы пиво по арабски не заказали!».
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Врач отчитывает постоянного пациента за его поведение:
– Вот видите, я же вас предупреждал: за чрезмерное употребление алкоголя и выкуривание неограниченного количества сигарет в день вы теперь расплачиваетесь своим здоровьем! allanecdots.ru
– Ах, доктор, если бы только здоровьем! Ведь вы и представить себе не можете, каких огромных денег все это стоит!
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– Милиция?! Алло, милиция?!
– Да, милиция. allanecdots.ru
– Сосед опять напился, жену свою бьет!
– Ну и что?
– Так он с топором за ней бегает и грозит всех нас здесь поубивать!
– Ну и что?
– А он орет при этом, что все менты – козлы вонючие!
– Понял, выезжаем…
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Пьяный, потрепанного вида мужчина заходит в кабинет врача:
– Доктор, у меня болит печень. allanecdots.ru
– Раздевайтесь, посмотрим.
– Зачем? Вы что, так мне не верите?
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Новый русский звонит на мобильник корешу и хвастается:
– Прикинь, Вован, вчера по пьяни на водных лыжах катался! allanecdots.ru
– Ну и что?
– Да у берега еще нормально, а дальше – хуже, блин. Палки до дна не достают!
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ГеоргийНе всё так просто, как кажется на первый взгляд.
Попробуйте вытереть попу другой рукой. allanecdots.ru
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Прислали фото из ГИБДД. Как же подорожали фотографии!
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На счёт "три" звоним бывшим, и хором посылаем их!
- Вот это хороший тамада! И конкурсы интересные! allanecdots.ru
| - Вот это хороший тамада! И конкурсы интересные!" data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/89291/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> | Комментировать |
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В 2020 все научились правильно мыть руки.
Тема следующей пандемии - поворотники. allanecdots.ru
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