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Gergt
2013-11-25Рекордный по длительности перелет совершило звено российских стратегических бомбардировщиков. Вылетев из Петропавловска на Камчатке, они пролетели над Северной Америкой, Южной Америкой, Антарктидой, Австралией, Китаем, Средней Азией, сделали пять кругов по периметру Африки, перелетели Атлантику, снова прошли над Америкой, перелетели Тихий океан, перепугали японцев, прошли над Китаем, Уралом, Северным полюсом, Аляской, Чукоткой, Камчаткой и благополучно приземлились во Владивостоке. Весь экипаж представлен к правительственным наградам. И только штурмана отправили на принудительное лечение от алкоголизма.
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Мужчина звонит по телефону в "скорую помощь":
- У меня к вам просьба. Если будете проезжать мимо нашего дома, загляните к нам, пожалуйста. Но специально тратить бензин не нужно. allanecdots.ru
- А что у вас случилось?
- Да вы знаете, моя жена зевала и вывихнула челюсть, теперь не может разговаривать.
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- У меня к вам просьба. Если будете проезжать мимо нашего дома, загляните к нам, пожалуйста. Но специально тратить бензин не нужно. - А что у вас случилось? - Да вы знаете, моя жена зевала и вывихнула челюсть, теперь не может разговаривать." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/21664/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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Пьяный муж возвращается поздно домой. Открывается дверь, перед ним стоит жена, в руках сковородка.
Муж: Все нормально. Ложись спать. Я не голодный. allanecdots.ru
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Надпись "Не влезай, убьет!", понимаемая на всех языках мира буквально, для русского человека означает просто: "Ты поосторожней там, когда влезешь!".
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Абсолютно точно доказано, что песня "На теплоходе музыка играет" играет на всех теплоходах, где играет музыка.
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Судя по нынешним учебникам, обязательная проверка на наркотики нужна не в школах, а в Министерстве образования.
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Ленивые все делают быстро. Чтобы поскорее отделаться от работы. И делают качественно. Чтобы потом не переделывать.
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Звонок бухгалтеру от директора:
– Коля, ты там чем занимаешься? allanecdots.ru
– Ну, как обычно, сводкой, сверкой.
– Водку выливай, Верку выгоняй, у нас ревизия!
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- Папа, я хочу херню!!!
- На, дочь, только помой, и запомни, это называется ХУРМА! allanecdots.ru
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Английские ученые считают, что после 5-й рюмки, русские слово "блядь", используют как запятую...
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