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2012-02-07Урок в школе, Марь Иванна задаёт коварный вопрос:
- А сейчас, мои дорогие, поскольку мы изучаем пунктуацию - пожалуйста, приведите пример предложения, в котором расположение запятой коренным образом определяет его смысл. allanecdots.ru
Лес рук.
- Людочка, отличница ты наша, слушаю...
- Казнить нельзя помиловать!
Молчание, ухмылка Вовочки, недовольная Марь Иванна:
- Вовочка, для тебя пример наивен? Скажи теперь ты.
- Пожалуйста. В комнату как в сказке с хорошим концом входит негр.
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История:
Еду в клуб на метро. У меня линзы, которые в темноте красным светятся. allanecdots.ru
Еду спокойно, на свету их не видно. Вдруг свет в вагоне выключается минут на 5.
Свет включают, бабака крестится, часть пассажиров медленно отползает. Подруга хихикает.
На следующей станции все (!) люди вышли.
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В любом доме у женщины всегда есть своя отдельная комната, и там она веселится вовсю: хочет борщ варит, хочет посуду моет.
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По статистике, 90% девушек, говорящих: «Мам я сегодня переночую у подруги», даже не ложатся спать.
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«Новенькая» проститутка после первой работы.
«Сотрудницы» спрашивают, как все было. allanecdots.ru
- Это был большой, мускулистый моряк, – отвечает новоиспеченная путана.
- И что он хотел ?
- Ну, я сказала ему, что обычный тр%% – это 100 баксов, но он сказал, что у него таких денег нет. Тогда я сказала ему, что за 75 баксов могу отсосать, но у него и этих денег не было. В конце концов, я спросила, сколько у него денег. Он сказал, что всего 25 баксов. Ну, я сказала, что за такие деньги могу ему подрочить. Он согласился, вытащил член, я взяла его одной рукой, потом второй, потом все выше и выше, переставляя руки…
- О! О! Боже!!! – застонали подруги, – это же чудовище какое-то. Что же ты дальше сделала ?
- Одолжила ему 75 баксов…
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Если вам попалось объявление типа: «Купите автомобиль сейчас. Выгода 100 тысяч рублей». Запомните, речь идет не о вашей выгоде.
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- Постой, а как мы друг друга узнаем?
- Я буду с розой в руках allanecdots.ru
- А я буду жирная.
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- Владимир Владимирович, а может ли после следующих очередных Ваших двух сроков президентом РФ стать женщина?
- Не просто может, а даже должна! Ведь у меня только дочери! allanecdots.ru
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- Любимый, ты же обещал сходить в кино. - Любимый обещал, любимый сходил.
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СМС незнакомке...
- Привет, я живу в доме напротив и хочу с тобой познакомиться allanecdots.ru
Ответ... .
- Мой дом находится перед моргом и меня очень пугают такие сообщения...
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- Сдается мне, что вы - мычащая английская уточка.
- В смысле? allanecdots.ru
- В смысле муу-duck!
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