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Gergt
2014-09-24Ненавижу, когда мне говорят:
- Ха-ха, ты старше меня, ты умрешь раньше! Приходится доставать револьвер и уточнять:- Да неужели? allanecdots.ru
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- Девушки, когда фотографируетесь, надо говорить "сыр", а не "утюг"!
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- Пап, я боюсь, что меня никто не возьмет замуж.
- Не волнуйся. Возьмешь у матери зелье, подсыплешь кому-нибудь и охомутаешь. allanecdots.ru
- А у нее есть такое зелье!?
- Должно быть. Сколько на нее не смотрю, другой причины, почему я на ней женился, не вижу.
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В соц. сети:
- Почему ты меня из друзей удалила? allanecdots.ru
- Потому что ты меня бесишь!
- А ничего что мы женаты?!
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Из приговора суда: Подсудимый оправдан, т. к. внешность потерпевшей не допускает возможность изнасилования в принципе.
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- Вчера я поссорилась с мужем и сказала, что ухожу от него к своей матери, жалуется молодая дама знакомой.
- А он что? allanecdots.ru
- Сказал, что это все же лучше, чем если бы моя мама приехала к нам.
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Всегда считал, что лучше жениться на некрасивой. Красивая всегда может изменить.
- Но и уродина это может сделать. allanecdots.ru
- Конечно, может. Только в этом случае говорят: "это даже к лучшему!"
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- Ты что такой смурной?
- Да жена не дает: санкции ввела за то, что выпиваю. allanecdots.ru
- А ты ей антисанкциями ответь – налево сходи.
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- Ты что сегодня делаешь?
- Ничего... allanecdots.ru
- Ты же вчера это делал?!
- Я не доделал...
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В больнице разразился жуткий скандал: пульмонолог потребовал повысить ему вдвое зарплату на том основании, что легких- два.
ЛОР поддержал его и потребовал увеличить ему зарплату в три раза! allanecdots.ru
Но больше всех конечно же оборзел стоматолог...
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Изя вернулся из командировки раньше, смотрит, а к двери ухом припал сосед Фима. А там однозначные звуки, которые не дают повода сомневаться, что Сарочка скучает не сама. Изя садится на ступеньку и спокойно закуривает.
- Изя! Я ни разу Вас не понимаю! Вам все равно? allanecdots.ru
- Фима, я вас умоляю! Пусть эти сволочи сначала выдохнутся!
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