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2020-08-19Вовочка пришёл в гости к бабушке. Та его спрашивает.
- Что, опять родители ругаются? allanecdots.ru
- Да. Мама с курорта привезла какой то тPипеP. Папе подарила, дяде Серёже и соседу из квартиры напротив. Сейчас все кричат и ругаются. Я одного только не пойму - то ли мало привезла, то ли поделила не поровну.
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Сонники говорят, что дерьмо снится к деньгам. Страшно себе представить сны Билла Гейтса!
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- Мам! Я нашла котенка!
- Дочь, тебе уже 38! Мужа найди! allanecdots.ru
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- Милый, а тебе не кажется, что пора переехать?
- Кажется. Только не знаю кого. allanecdots.ru
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Вопрос в кроссворде - окрестности Москвы, 6 букв? Ответ: Россия.
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AlikИдет конкурсный набор на дикторскую должность. Читает текст молодой человек. Ему говорят:
- Читаете вы превосходно, и голос у вас, и внешность отличные, но один недостаток, вы подмигиваете. Вот в тексте слова: "Король Англии нанес визит королеве Франции", - вы подмигиваете. Телезрители не так могут истолковать. allanecdots.ru
- Я могу исправить этот недостаток анальгином.
- Давайте попробуем с анальгином.
Молодой человек, ища в карманах анальгин, достал большое количество презервативов. Выпив анальгин, он прочитал текст без недостатков.
- Мы вас принимаем, только один вопросик. Зачем вам столько презервативов?
- Да я же подмигиваю, когда в аптеке прошу анальгин...
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- Я могу исправить этот недостаток анальгином. - Давайте попробуем с анальгином. Молодой человек, ища в карманах анальгин, достал большое количество презервативов. Выпив анальгин, он прочитал текст без недостатков. - Мы вас принимаем, только один вопросик. Зачем вам столько презервативов? - Да я же подмигиваю, когда в аптеке прошу анальгин..." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/92257/" data-title="Пошлые 16+" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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Никогда не забуду, как у меня в военкомате зрение проверяли.
- Ты видишь третью строчку. allanecdots.ru
- Нет!
- Это был не вопрос.
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- Мне кажется, что ты что-то недоговариваешь...
- Да нет, это просто ты недослушиваешь! allanecdots.ru
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Невозможно начать с чистого листа, если перед этим ты подтер им жопу.
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Пассажиры поезда Калининград - Владивосток реально видят, как стареет проводница.
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