Случайный прикол:
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Дате | Рейтингу
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2012-11-19
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- Закурить не найдётся?
- Я кажется уже три дня назад обьяснил, что не курю! allanecdots.ru
- Извините.. Глаз заплыл, не узнал.
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Воскресенье, 8 часов утра. Супружеская пара спит.
Стук в дверь, мужик идет открывать дверь, открывает, а там теща с чемоданами. allanecdots.ru
*немая сцена*
Мужик очухался и кричит жене:
- Зинк!!! Вставай! Тут мама уезжает!
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Станция техобслуживания. Очередь как и положено, и как всегда мимо очереди проезжают крутые тачки, типа "мы крутые, нам в очереди стоять не положено".
Но, сделав круг, крутые возвращаются в очередь. Это не значит что на техсервисе мастер крутой, там просто надпись: allanecdots.ru
"Водители нетрадиционной ориентации обслуживаются вне очереди!"
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Училка диктует, расхаживая по аудитории. Подходит к одной из студенток:
- Иванова, а у тебя раньше был немного иной почерк. Ты, наверно, беременна. allanecdots.ru
Диктует дальше, подходит к студенту:
- Сидоров, а у тебя почерк изменился после моих слов Ивановой. Похоже, папаша нашелся.
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Отчет из церкви
Этот отчет является историческим документом найденным в кладовой монастыря под Ленинградом в 1925 году. allanecdots.ru
Один маляр был приглашен на работу в церковь для обновления росписи икон и купола храма. После выполнения работы настоятель предложил маляру написать отчет за проделенную работу. Последний не будучи знаком с тонкостями бухгалтерии, написал следующее:
1. Увеличил небо и прибавил звезды. - 1. Руб.
3. Поправил одежду Адама и Евы после искушения. - 1. Руб.
4. Промыл мудрую деву и потом покрыл ее два раза. - 5. Руб.
5. Отделал Варвару у входа. - 10. Руб.
6. Деве Марии сделал нового младенца. - 10. Руб.
7. Поправил ангела и вставил перо святому духу. - 3. Руб.
8. Отделал по разу дев венциносцов. - 3. Руб.
9. Покрыл три раза святую магдалину матом. - 5. Руб.
10. Разделал линии и поставил крест над всеми святыми. - 10. Руб.
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Итого: 47 рублей.
На отчете имелась резолюция: Оплатить счет этому дураку, иначе он всех святых перепортит.
Настоятель монастыря Елантий.
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Самые страшные слова детства:
- Убираем учебники! Берем двойные листочки! allanecdots.ru
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Пассажир спрашивает проводника:
- Скажите - а правда, что на этом участке дороги каждые десять лет происходят катастрофы? allanecdots.ru
- Ну, не знаю... Лет десять уже не было...
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Да ладно, Люся, не переживай. Жизнь - она ведь полосатая...
- Угу... То одна полоска, а то и две... allanecdots.ru
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Генерал с маленьким сыном пришёл первый раз в цирк.
По арене наматывают круги кони, под куполом летают гимнасты, вот выбежали дрессированные пудели, тюлень на подставке балансирует с мячиком... allanecdots.ru
Генерал нервно расстёгивая воротник, обливаясь потом, вытягивается по струнке и срывающимся на визг голосом: "прррееекратиииииить хххуууйййнннююю!!!"
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Любитель читать в туалете Валера, случайно насрал в библиотеке.
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