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2013-07-24- Давай встретимся, пообедаем вместе?
- Не могу, у меня сегодня четыре пары... allanecdots.ru
- Ну сбеги после второй?
- Ага, у людей кольца куплены, рестораны заказаны, а я - сбеги!
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- Почему депутаты Единой России подписались за Навального?
- Потому что кировский суд назвал его жуликом и вором. allanecdots.ru
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- Папа, папа, я лизбиянка
- я за тебя рад, доченька allanecdots.ru
Другая дочь:
- папа, я тоже лизбиянка
- здесь что нет человека который любит член
Сын:
- папа, я люблю член!
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Выношу утром мусор. У контейнера два бомжа копошатся, ищут бутылки, картон и другие полезные в их бизнесе вещи. В общем, проход к контейнеру перекрыли. Через них бросать мешок с мусором не хочется, поэтому обращаю на себя их внимание легким покашливанием. Один из бомжей поднимает на меня голову и говорит другому: "Пропусти поставщика". Настроение поднялось.
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В МВД России выявлены случаи хищения денежных средств, выделенных на расследование массовых хищений в Министерстве обороны.
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— Дорогой! Ты видел когда-нибудь мятые 50 000 долларов? Нет?! Ну, тогда смотри, — сказала жена, открывая гараж...
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Забавляют невиданные успехи простых российских студентов на Универсиаде. Это все равно, что приготовить роскошный стол, позвать кучу гостей и самим все сожрать.
allanecdots.ru
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Американский турист в Москве смертельно хочет писать. Просто мочи нет.
Ну, он подходит к какому-то дому, только расстёгивает ширинку, его окликает милиционер: allanecdots.ru
- Э! Ты что это делаешь?
Тот отвечает уныло:
- Но я очень хочью писайт!
- Здесь нельзя, пойдем со мной.
Отводит его в какой-то ухоженный парк, рядом красивый высокий дом кремового цвета.
- Вот, здесь писай.
Американец расстёгивает ширинку, делает своё дело, поворачивается и спрашивает, улыбаясь во весь рот:
- О, это бил прекрасно! Скажите, это-русское гостеприимство?
- Нет, это-американское посольство.
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Вниманию студентов 5-го курса мединститута! Завтра в аудитории 47 вам будут ломать руки, чтобы почерк соответствовал врачебным стандартам
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Хорошо быть единственной девушкой в мужском коллективе: ты у них и за умницу, и за красавицу...
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Жена мужу утром, уходя на работу:
— Водку, сок, мясо пожаришь. allanecdots.ru
Ошалелый муж:
— Водку-то зачем?
Жена:
— Идиот, совсем одурел со своей водкой. Сказала же "Вот кусок мяса - пожаришь".
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