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2013-08-13На окраине Парижа в маленьком кафе посетитель одну за другой опрокидывает рюмки с водкой. Сосед его, перед которым стояла бутылка с лимонадом, не выдержал и сказал:
- Простите, а вы знаете, что каждый третий француз из-за злоупотребления алкоголем страдает болезнью печени? allanecdots.ru
- Меня это не касается - я русский!
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- Владимир Владимирович! Возьмите меня на рыбалку,- просит Чуров.
- Дак ты же ловить не умеешь. allanecdots.ru
- Я взвешивать буду...
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Соседка встречает Вовочку, идущего из школы:
- Как дела, Вовочка? allanecdots.ru
- Нормально.
- А в школе как?
- Нормально.
- А здоровье как?
- Нормально.
- Слушай, а в твоём лексиконе есть другие слова кроме этого "нормально"?
- Папа сказал, что взрослым нельзя говорить "отъебись"...
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Что тока не придет в голову спросонья, когда рано утром тебя вытаскивает из постели звонок в дверь и хриплый голос:
"Мы пришли проверить ваш стояк!" allanecdots.ru
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"Дженерал Моторс" отзывает около 1,5 млн. автомобилей из-за дефекта в системе подогрева стеклоочистителя. На АвтоВАЗе вообще не понимают о чем идет речь.
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Девушка, 22 года, ищет работу.
– А, так вы замужем? Значит, в декрет уйдёте. Вы нам не подходите. allanecdots.ru
Через четыре года:
– А, так у вас ребёнок? Значит, на больничный будете часто ходить!
Ещё через два года:
– У вас ребёнок уже большой, значит, скоро опять в декрет…
Ещё через четыре года:
– Женщина! У вас двое детей! Какой из вас после этого работник?! Вы же с больничного не вылезете!
Ещё через четыре года:
– Извините, но нам требуется женщина моложе 35 лет…
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Встречаются два друга:
- Представляешь, я вчера с Ленкой целовался. allanecdots.ru
- Ну вот, а говорил, что не пьешь.
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- Почему так получается? Девушки умные, порядочные, красавицы, с принципами и образованием не могут найти себе достойного мужа, а какие-нибудь идиотки, не обремененные ни умом, ни моралью, все пристроены. Что за жизнь!.. Вот ты замужем?
- Да! allanecdots.ru
- Вот я и говорю...
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Муж возвращается на два дня раньше из командировки, открывает дверь и получает пощёчину от жены:
- Ты что, меня блядью считаешь??? allanecdots.ru
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Едет мужик в автобусе с расстегнутой ширинкой. Женщина напротив заметила, вертелась-вертелась, думая, как бы поделикатней ему об этом сказать, наконец не выдержала и шепотом:
- Мужчина, у Вас магазин открыт. allanecdots.ru
Мужик быстренько устранил неполадку и думает - не было ли там чего видно. Думал-думал, как бы поделикатней спросить, и наконец не выдержал:
- Я извиняюсь, женщина, а там директора видно не было?
- Директора видно не было, а вот пьяный грузчик на двух мешках валялся.
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Обьявление: "Изготовим портрет вашего врага на туалетной бумаге".
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