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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-12-03 |
Иду утром на работу...навстречу мужик...Взглянул на меня и перекрестился...Представляете как меня перевернуло?!..Пока не поняла, что сзади меня - Храм!!!
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Юрий НиколаевичРазные 2015-12-03 |
В детский сад пришел новый воспитатель - бывший зэк. На прогулке дети ходят по кругу, руки за спину. Воспитатель говорит:
- Пятнадцатый, ты опять обоссался? allanecdots.ru
- Обижаешь, начальник! Употел!
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СергейРазные 2015-12-02 |
Мужик сидит рыбачит к нему подплывает крокодил.
- Чё мужик- клюёт? allanecdots.ru
- Да нихера не клюёт.
- Может тогда искупнёшся?
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СергейПошлые 16+ 2015-12-02 |
- Как занимаются сексом по телефону садомазохисты?
- Я медленно снимаю с ноги медвежий капкан... allanecdots.ru
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СергейПошлые 16+ 2015-12-02 |
Девушка делает парню минeт. Все чинно размеренно. Парень откинул голову назад, наслаждается и начинает тихонько насвистывать незамысловатую мелодию. Через некоторое время замечает, что девушка реагирует на ритм.
Немного увеличивает такт, девушка ускоряется. Он начинает насвистывать громче, постепенно ускоряя ритм. Девушка тоже ускоряется. Парень еще быстрее. Девушка тоже. Парень уже свистит на пределе скоростных возможностей. Голова девушки двигается как челнок щвейной машинки. allanecdots.ru
Парень уже просто постоянно свистит, почти срываясь на рык и кончает.
Девушка в изнеможении откидывается на спину и часто-часто дышит. Парень раздосадованно:
- Млять, как же губы устали.
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СергейПошлые 16+ 2015-12-02 |
Познакомились два доктора, беседуют:
- Когда-нибудь замечал, что во врачебном халате удобно прятать стояк? allanecdots.ru
- Точно! И правда очень удобно! А вы, выходит, коллега, как и я - гинеколог?
- Да нет, педиатр.
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СергейРазные 2015-12-02 |
Встретились охотник и рыбак.
- Ну ты как? allanecdots.ru
- Вытащил вчера вот такого судака, - разводит руки на полтора метра,
- А ты как?
- В лес захожу, тут же лось навстречу, я его с одного выстрела заваливаю, не успел обрадоваться - инспектор выскакивает. А сезон охоты еще не открыт, статья, я его из второго ствола и кладу. Только перезарядил, кусты зашевелились, там парочка любовью занимается, а зачем мне свидетели, пришлось и их в расход. На опушку выхожу, а там автобус с туристами, на меня выпялились. Короче, либо ты руки поуже сводишь, либо я и этих к едреной матери перестреляю!
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СергейПошлые 16+ 2015-12-02 |
- Боже! Как же сложно быть женщиной... Решила надеть другие туфли - пришлось даже трусы переодеть.
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СергейПошлые 16+ 2015-12-02 |
Купил мужик корову. Через некоторое время приводит к ветеринару:
- Удой хороший, ест хорошо, здоровая, послушная... ну все в общем нормально, allanecdots.ru
но вот когда быка подводишь - на задницу садится и ни в какую.
- А Вы ее не в Рязани ли купили?
- В Рязани. А как Вы догадались?
- У меня жена оттуда.
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СергейЧерный юмор 2015-12-02 |
- Мама! А правда я такая страшная?
- Сейчас ничего, а когда родилась доктор сказал: зашевелится, стреляйте.. allanecdots.ru
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КомбатРазные 2015-12-02 |
- Может, без него? А то с ним ощущения не те.
- Петрович, заткнись и надевай парашют! allanecdots.ru
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