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Vaserman_Druz_
2016-09-16Всем контактам в моем телефоне я поставила свое фото. Теперь мне звонят исключительно приятные люди.
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- Люся, что бы ты хотела от жизни?
- Домик у моря с видом на настоящего мужчину. allanecdots.ru
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Инспектор ГАИ останавливает мчащуюся Волгу.
- Водитель, почему не горят задние огни? allanecdots.ru
Водитель выскакивает из машины и начинает бегать вокруг, издавая жуткие вопли.
- Да ладно, - успокаивает инспектор, - не волнуйтесь так, это же пустяк.
Хороший пустяк! А где прицепной фургон, где моя Сара, где дети?
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- Все, я развожусь со своей Розой, она мне изменила, - говорит Михельсон. - Она мне сказала, что ночевала у своей сестры.
- Ну и что тут плохого? allanecdots.ru
- Она меня обманула. У её сестры ночевал я!
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Байкер разъезжает по набережной Калифорнии... И тут появляется облако и раздается голос: - Сын мой, знаю, что несмотря на внешность, ты всегда верил в меня. Я награжу тебя за верность и исполню твое желание.
Мужик подумал и ответил: allanecdots.ru
- Господи, построй мост между Калифорнией и Гаваями - так хочется иногда на уикенд доехать на мотоцикле до островов.
Господь:
- Хм, идея великолепная, но построить огромный мост из металла и бетона, с ножками до самого дна океана... испортим мы с тобой окружающий мир. Я конечно это могу, но с огромными усилиями. Подумай о другом желании, которым ты на самом деле помог бы человечеству.
- Господи, ты прав, как всегда... Сделай так, чтобы каждый мужчина понимал женщин... всегда... даже когда они молча улыбаются, или вдруг заплакали... И чтобы мужчины, понимая их, всегда знали чем и как их обрадовать, чем им помочь в трудные моменты жизни, как их любить, и... Господь перебил его:
- А сколько полос хочешь на мосту?
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Русский человек на пустой желудок думать не может, а на сытый не хочет.
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Изя, ну и как Сарочка в постели?
- Нормально, помещается. allanecdots.ru
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На кладбище знакомятся вдова с вдовцом.
- Что случилось с вашей женой? - спрашивает женщина. allanecdots.ru
- Вы знаете, у меня очень большой член, и жена во время ceкcа умерла.
Женщина:
- После смерти моего мужа, Эдуарда, я не хочу жить. Послушайте, я умоляю вас, добейте меня на этой могиле!
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Едет как-то мужик вечером. Видит - баба голосует, ну он тормозит.
- Подвезете? - спрашивает она. allanecdots.ru
- Ну ладно, садись, все равно по пути, - соглашается мужик.
Едут, едут. Мужик спрашивает, а чем платить будешь? Она говорит:
- Денег нет, давай я тебе мин@т сделаю.
- Ну давай, - соглашается он.
Едет, балдеет, классно. Забылся, руками ее уши взял, тащится. Ну и
врубился в дерево. Очнулся в больнице, радостный, что живой. Глядь,
а в руках уши. Спрашивает у врача:
- Извините, к вам женщина без ушей не поступала?
- А, это та, что с х@ем во рту...
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- Что-то в мае ракеты одна за другой падают. С чего бы?
- А когда в апреле Пасха с Днем космонавтики совпала - ты что отмечал? allanecdots.ru
Вот и большинство - Пасху...
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